#ivan is a little stupid but it’s ok <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[yakumtsaki]

To the surprise of no one, Liz and Sophito immediately dumped their baby so they could bang 5 minutes after Liz gave birth. Thankfully we have Sophie, who remains the only competent adult this family has ever seen.

-Felina baby, I don’t want you to worry, I’ll love you even if you end up inheriting Liz’s horrible Frances Worthington eyebrows! -Goo goo! 

It’s time for the pets to get to work procreating, because the lot isn’t nearly laggy enough as it is. 

-Ok Kitana, it’s time to have kittens with Klaus! -’Klaus’, more like Cucklaus! I hate him! -I know you do baby, I hated Cyneswith too but I still did my duty! -And produced SUGAR.  -I promise you your kittens won’t be like Sugar! -Well if they are I’m giving them to the wolf! 

Preggo chimes on the first try, great job bbs!

-Ya great job, Cucklaus, round-headed asshole. -Go to hell, Shitana, I can’t believe I’m wasting my genes on you.

Ok then, let’s move on to the dogs!

I’m shocked to say I’ve finally discovered something Don is good at: getting pets to knock each other up.

-So what do you think, Servilia, wanna have some puppies? -I don’t know, Don, Xander is so hot but what if our kids turn out like Sugar?? -They won’t, baby, Sugar was a freak accident!

First try again, and Servilia and Xander actually really like each other❤️

-Xander! Xander you big stud, come in here and do me again!  -I will babe, let me just catch my breath, you’re a whole lotta woman!

Ya ok gross, going for more of a puppy love vibe here, guys- 

-Then look no further than us! I’m pregnant again!  -That’s right, I knocked her up before the umbilical cord was even cut! 

WHAT. That’s it, I’m turning autonomous woohoo off, you two are gonna drown me in babies, we’re having 2 and that’s it, the lot lag is UNREAL..

..in no small part because of this goddamn wolf-attracting forest I had to plant.

-Are you seriously gonna keep deleting and replacing this thing every night?

Well the fucking wolf has left us no choice now, has he? HAS HE.

-I worry that you’re going a little Captain Ahab over the wolf.

What nonsense, I’m completely sane! Now you sit there and don’t move till the sun sets again in 12 hours, and I’m not moving either, I don’t care if the entire household dies in the meantime.  

HERE HE IS. Alright, asshole, your relationship is at 100/100, NOW BITE HIM

-OH MY, THOSE BONY FINGERS LOOK EXTRA DELICIOUS TONIGHT🐺

THEY DO, NOW DO IT. BITE HIM. B I T E H I M

-NO, I DON’T THINK I WILL! GOODNIGHT, FLOPS🐺

YOU MOTHERFUCKER SON OF A BITCH OH MY GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH I’M 

-Oh moonflower, isn’t it so nice to reconnect now that autonomous woohoo has been disabled? We can finally really talk about our relationship and not just bury our problems under passionate geriatric woohooing!  -You’re so right, Donnie, this is the best time ever, now let me just go check if iVan needs a late night tune up🌸

GUESS WHO BARGED IN HERE AGAIN TRYING TO GET HIS FIRST KISS. AIDEN ENOUGH. ENOUGHHH

-I’LL SHOW UP EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF CYNESWITH’S LIFE UNTIL SHE KISSES ME, I DON’T CARE HOW MANY FIGHTS IT CAUSES

Ok you know what?? Between the lag, psycho Aiden, and the worst digital animal to ever exist, I have officially HAD IT. Tonight I’m solving 2 out of 3 of those problems!!! 

-Aaaaaiden! Get over here buddy, it’s time for your first kiss! 

-You’re not Cyneswith! 

Ya sorry Aiden the Cyneswith kiss ain’t happening but don’t worry, I found you Clarabelle here who is very willing!

-Hmmm! Well, that’s an interesting perfume..

-Wow Clarabelle, you know, despite being half-cow half-plant, you really are beautiful in your own way.. Very striking.. I love your teeth..

Why don’t you get a little closer Aiden, our Clarabelle is shy!

-Oh that’s sweet, she’s demure! Nothing like that slut Cyneswith! 

You can say that again!

GOODBYE AIDEN. FUCKING LUNATIC

Ugh his stupid glasses upset her stomach! Poor bb.

-Good girl, Clarabelle.. I’m glad I got one last murder with you💜

-And now, to prolong my life for one more wolf party.. At least Aiden died for a good cause! 

Ya the same cause Sandy died for THE FIRST TIME. THAT’S HOW LONG WE’VE BEEN AT THIS WOLF SHIT

-YES. YEEEEEEEES THE POWER OF YOUTH AND NEON FABRICS COURSES THROUGH MY VEINS

Alright, Jojo, this is it. Tonight IT ENDS

WELL HELLO, FUCKER. Bet you didn’t expect us waiting for you western duel style, did you!!! Now why don’t you step into our yard in this new beautiful fenced area we built, don’t worry it has a door! Just follow Jojo in..

..HA. I TRAPPED YOU, ASSHOLE!!! DOOR DELETED!!!! THERE’S NO ESCAPE

-UGH FINE, I’M BORED OF TORTURING YOU ANYWAY. HERE YOU GO, JOJO, YOU’RE BITTEN🐺

Is it happening?????

IT’S HAPPENING. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD THIS WEREWOLF DEFAULT DOESN’T SUIT JOJO AT ALL

IT’S OVERRRRRRRRRRR. I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE ALL THIS HAPPENED FOR 5K POINTS BUT WHATEVER. IT’S DONE. NEVER AGAINNNNNN

iVan wants to become a werewolf too, which LOL, so here you go, iVan, you’re a robowolf or whatever the fuck now! 

-𝙰𝚆𝙾𝙾𝙾𝙾𝙾𝙾𝙾𝙾. 𝙸𝚂𝙽'𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙵𝚄𝙽, 𝙹𝙾𝙹𝙾? -Yes yes, it is..

And here you go, Jojo, I deleted the cute default so you can have a proper menacing appearance! 

-Thanks..

What is it? 

-You know, I’m not totally sure being a werewolf is for me after all..

What.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

KILL ME

[pabro-picasso]

i finally finished this, after a good 3 weeks to a month of working on it

of course when the AC update hit i went stupid hard on it and bulldozed the island and tried to complete every little thing so i neglected everything else, especially drawing

but i was so hooked to the point where i made sticky note doodles of arthur and alfred as villagers at work and then i thought about how the other main 8 plus matthew would look and thats where we are now

theyre grouped by relative geography, and i made the heights of the different villagers consistent across all three drawings B) every piece of clothing is something you can also find in game

ok some explanations under the cut cuz im assuming not everyone wants to read this

ok lets start with the top:

yao is based off of a red-crowned crane, a crane found all over east asia, and i believe the national bird of china? idk, if i got that wrong my bad cuz i was all over the place in researching stuff. i had the hardest time trying to figure out what he should be, and i chose his villager model last. he was gonna be a regular tweety bird villager, but someone mentioned using feathers as a pony tail and the ostrich villager model was the only bird type that does that

ivan of course is a big old bear. i took some creative liberties with the scarf, but i figured that theyll give extra bits to villagers on occasion (like raymonds glasses or audies sunglasses) i struggled a bit w the shirt, but i ended up w a yodel sweater because at the time it looked the best out of all the sweater options. i think if i were to do this again id give him a different one but drawing the knit pattern took too damn long to start over w something else

kiku was also a bit of a challenge. not because picking a villager species was hard, but because of the color scheme. idk, when i think of japanese color schemes my mind automatically went to red black and white and i already had made yao, and it just was feeling too stereotypical at this point. i went with the earthen greens and browns as a reflection of a lot of the vintage japanese furniture in the game. he’s a deer because i instantly thought of the nara deer park and i thought that’d be cute. his antlers and fawn dots also reflect that.

next pic:

francis!!! i originally was going back and forth between a skunk (because of pepe le pew lol) and then a rooster, because roosters are like the animal of france right? but i couldnt get a decent design with either of them. i was scratching and racking my brains when i realized that the literal in canon joke is him being a frog 🤦‍♀️ then the design was almost too easy. i went with pastel colors because i thought of the french courts in the 1700s. while he’s the only one i went anachronistic with, i feel like it still suits him with how cute it is.

ludwig’s a german shepard. p straight forward w this one. i struggled with finding an outfit for him because while there is the bavarian lil leiderhosen suit, it just didnt seem to fit. i went with the collarless coat because it seemed very modern german fashion.

feliciano’s villager species was picked second to last, just before yao. idk, i really struggled with him too because while the entire show’s about him, not much really sticks out to me when it comes to picking stuff for him. there’s not really any classic “italian” animals other than like.... a greyhound? idk im kind of an ignorant boob about the mediterranean countries 😬but, i ended up with a duck because i pictured a matching, angry romano and it seemed hilarious. it didn’t show well, but i based his color schemes off olives. his belly is red like an olive pit. the sweater shirt also seemed very italian to me.

bottom crew (pun intended):

alfred!!!!! we had to go with the obvious classics. not much else to explain about this one. he’s a bald eagle with his flight jacket. i tried to make his design different enough from apollo’s to where it wasnt a one-for-one copy but 🤷‍♀️ not much you can do with a bald eagle

arthur’s a little english rabbit. i thought it would be cute to see him be very little and very angry. i’m not a huge fan of the color scheme i ended up with but tbh i really didnt know what to do with him that would still look good. i tried navy, but it looked awful. i feel like he needed dark, moody colors and the other two boys already had browns and i didnt want to make them all look the same.

and finally, matthew 🥰 while i did say that feli and romano would be matching ducks earlier, you know i had to make this fool a moose. he’s technically a bull character model, but hey this shit aint real i can bend the rules. i tried giving him a maple syrupy color palette, while not being as all out food based like feliciano was, but this might be a bit too subtle. either way tho, coloring him made me hungry. he has a flannel shirt because of course he does hahaha

i had a sticky note with style preferences, personality types and all that but i dont feel like digging for it, this post is long enough anyways, and also its late and i just want to get this shit out already. i’ve been stressing about finishing it for too damn long

[greensaplinggrace]

What Is There To Celebrate About the Darkling? (Part 4)

1 2 3 4

He’s calculating but impulsive. Gentle yet firm. Stubborn and adaptive. Just a real mess of contradictions that makes him all the more interesting.

He loves nature. He loves the forest.

Fond of luxuries and nice things. After growing up as he did, I think he deserves them.

Very socially awkward. Introvert just trying his best. Anything that isn’t manipulation and therefore something he’s planned in his head is just a social train wreck waiting to happen.

The way he pushes up Alina’s sleeve when they first meet. This man had zero compunctions about acting completely unprofessionally in front of his soldiers and I think that’s very sexy of him.

He’s constantly tired and exasperated with the people around him.

The way he says “quiet” with the softest voice imaginable and a room full of laughter instantly goes silent.

He had no interest in Elizaveta even though she was utterly obsessed with him and I think that’s hilarious.

Elizaveta: I have a plan to resurrect the Darkling Everybody Else: Oh the Darkling is so evil for trying to come back! The Darkling, who just wants a nap and is sick of this mortal bullshit: Why am I even here? This is such a pain in the ass. I should have killed Elizaveta when I had the chance.

How he asks if Alina “will have” his name like a man proposing.

Has his bedroom attached to the war room.

Constantly checking up on Alina just to know how she’s doing. Never pushing her beyond her limits as she’s training.

Very creative with his shadows and the extent of their abilities. So many of the ways he uses his powers are genius.

His ending in RoW is a tragedy and an injustice. He deserves better.

This old man pouting at Alina in episode seven as he says “please, I just want to talk to you 🥺”

There is a black kefta made for Alina after like two days in the Little Palace. He really was already planning their entire immortal futures together as Mr. and Mrs. Starkov wasn’t he?

His bed is covered in maps and notes when he’s plotting how to find Alina. Also before that, the way he’s poring over the notes at his desk and giving orders is 👌🥵

Him acting like a real General at all is simply amazing.

The fact that he trusts Luda with his life. That they have a whole intimidation routine set up around him purposefully getting himself fatally injured knowing she’ll heal him.

He looks like a vampire in the show and a fae in the books.

His favorite ABBA song is probably “Lay All Your Love On Me.”

Looks composed but that’s only a façade. Is actually an unhinged feral terror of pain and misery.

That scene where he tells the king she will remain in the Little Palace to train undisturbed and he puts his foot down. ON THE RED CARPET. the king’s carpet. and uses a commanding voice that’s just on the edge of an order…I’m surprised he didn’t get flogged for that. IMO nothing conveys the fine line he walks with those in power while wielding his own like this scene. Literally he should just be celebrated for this alone.

“‘Why won’t you leave me alone?’ I whispered one night as he hovered behind me while I tried to work at my desk. Long minutes passed. I didn’t think he would answer. I even had time to hope he might have gone, until I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Then I’d be alone, too,” he said, and he stayed the whole night through, till the lamps burned down to nothing.

Trapped a bunch of Saints in the Shadow Fold like a true amoral disaster villain. What an icon.

His barely concealed amusement and half hidden smile when Alina comes to put his kefta on. The way he finds Alina utterly hilarious and tries so hard to act like he doesn’t.

That small amused smile when Alina jokes about finding Volcra hilarious. Please he’s so adorable 😭

“‘I know what you feel when you’re with the tracker,’ he said. ‘I doubt that’ He gave a dismissive wave.” - My Malarklina obsessed self, vibrating at the edge of my seat: but what does it mean?!?

Mal and the Darkling’s entire fight in the Fold: dumbass on dumbass violence.

The way he stands with his back turned to Alina when she enters his tent the first time they meet and then does the slowest Godfather turn in history. 1999/10 - points removed for a criminal lack of cat petting.

“I may lead the second army, but the king is still the king.” - the delivery of that line. the implications, the history behind it and also the foreshadowing for his plans.

That slow turn face reveal in episode one though. Like okay we get it you’re pretty alkjsdflkj

Confused Old Man Face™ whenever Mal or Alina do anything remotely defiant in his presence.

How he tells Alina to come closer and she only takes the tiniest step and he doesn’t even react.

His little head cock whenever someone says or does something that just doesn’t vibe with him.

Darklina tumblr has now convinced me that the Darkling is a cat in human form.

“You’re an amplifier,” she said. He glanced at where Sylvi was pouncing on another helpless tree, oblivious, and gave a single, frightened nod. How could he have been so stupid? He would have to tell his mother now, and she would insist that they leave right away. If word got out, they’d both be in danger. Amplifiers were rare, hard to find, harder to hunt. Their lives would be forfeit. Even if they got away, word would spread. He could already hear his mother’s voice: Foolish, careless, callous. If you don’t value your own life, show some concern for mine. Annika touched his sleeve. “It’s okay,” she said. “I won’t tell.” Panic crowded in. He shook his head. She slid her hand into his. It was hard not to pull away. He should. He was breaking his mother’s fundamental rule for keeping them both alive. Never let them touch you, she’d warned him. - 😥 I just want to give him a hug all the time.

His strangled shout when Mal tackles him off of the skiff.

His smile when he’s summoning the sun. The expression on his face when he does so. Like I know I’ve mentioned this before but damn. If you ever needed a reason to celebrate him, this would be it.

“Shame, I’ll have to give that speech again now.”

The way he flips Mal over his shoulder in the Fold after Mal attempts to strangle him.

His little lecture on the Small Science to Alina when they’re going to meet the King. Info dump.

“You make it sound so easy.” “A bird makes flight look easy. But it was born to do so.”

When Alina looks at him for guidance on whether or not to remove her veil and he gives her a small nod.

The handhold in the throne room after Alina’s demonstration is absolutely precious, but it’s in a room full of people he should be keeping up a façade for and it’s so unwarranted and yet he does it anyway, I’m-

The way he says “welcome home, Ms. Starkov,” in the most tender voice I’ve ever heard and then goes “ok that’s enough emotions for one day” and then just straight up leaves without even a goodbye.

He has his symbol?? Sewn into Alina’s kefta??? bRo???!?!

Disaster Simp never gets tired of introducing Alina to other people or talking about how she’s the best thing that ever walked this earth.

The Darkling lying: honestly

“I have devoted my life to undoing the great sin of my forebearer, but I am never seen as the solution. Only as a reminder of the problem.” Sasha you were literally the problem. What a manipulative little shit. We love to see it.

The way he closes his eyes and kisses the coin before he makes a wish at the wishing well.

“I think the Grand Palace is the ugliest building I’ve ever seen.” - I love him your honor.

This man has the most intense lines for Alina. Like straight up I would have booked it when he said “you and I are going to change the world”. But then the head grab?! “I’ve been waiting a long time for you.” He’s so intense like sir can you tone it down a bit please I am begging you.

“I shall be right by your side.” / “We can do anything. Together.” / “For us.” / “You cannot do this on your own. And neither can I” / “I want you to know my name. The name I was given, not the title I took for myself. Will you have it, Alina?” - WEDDING VOWS

That scene in the war room when Alina comes to find him and he instantly drops his guard and lowers his arms and welcomes her with a soft voice.

“Am I bothering you?” “Not at all.” - girl you could be stabbing him in the chest and you still wouldn’t be bothering him.

This whipped disaster sounds like the proudest man on the planet when he talks about how much more his enemies fear Alina over him.

His shadows react to his emotions.

“YoUr’E nOt IvAn.” asjlkdfjs god he’s so embarrassing.

Local Dark Lord Sasha offering Alina the throne after she literally tries to kill him.

He gets so jealous of Mal.

Has a great relationship with his soldiers and his men. His men trust him implicitly and believe him to be an amazing general.

When he turns around after Alina puts the kefta on him and looks flustered/has to take a breath because she’s a lot closer than he expected. The way he’s breathless and literally can’t string a sentence together because he’s so distracted by her closeness.

His jokes are absolutely terrible.

GF: *jokes about throwing herself down the stairs to get out of an event* Sasha “no thoughts head empty only Alina” Morozova: haha I’d just have my healers heal you right back up again.

How genuinely touched he is by Alina admitting to wanting to help Grisha and Ravkans.

That scene in Demon in the Woods when he notices the intricate details of the politics in the Grisha camp after one meeting with the Elders. He has the Ulle pegged almost instantly.

Born to be a leader. Born to take care of others. Born to protect. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s protecting people. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s leading them and caring for them.

The way he cups his hands around Alina’s face when they’re kissing.

This man gets so starstruck by Alina walking into the Fete that he doesn’t even excuse himself from the King’s side to go to her.

Long haired Aleksander rights!

Ok I know the wig was kind of ugly but he looks pretty with long hair and I think it would look very good on him naturally.

The way he slams his hands together in the Winter Fete scene and instantly turns the room pitch black.

Literally any times he summons shadows is a blessing and we should all celebrate him for it. They are so beautiful. On god if I ever saw his shadows in real life I would be awestruck.

He asks Mal if he’s okay when they first meet.

The pure, barely contained fury directed at the Conductor for daring to harm Alina and kidnap his Grisha.

He always has to make a grand entrance.

This man is like a bloodhound when it comes to Nina. He is very invested in finding her and I feel like that’s never really talked about.

“I know exactly how she felt. The King’s soldiers treated me the same way. Because they knew- they knew that I was more important than any of them.” - the way he says it, like it’s something he has to remind himself of in his head constantly. a justification for the way he’s been treated, the fear he evokes in others. a way to protect himself from the hurt of being ostracized and reviled. arrogance and conceit as a defense against emotional harm.

Also the way his face instantly changes after that, like he’s said too much. vulnerability. lowering his eyes. shifting his eyes. literally just everything about this scene makes me love him all the more.

Dark carriage rides up to the Crows’ hiding place. Grisha circle the area as Aleksander steps from the carriage slowly, dressed all in black, floofy cloak high on his shoulders. Villain Entrance™

Him slowly pulling a knife out of his chest like it shouldn’t have killed him is hot as fuck and also totally badass. Big dick energy.

“I’ve had enough of your lies.” “And what lies are those?” - Alina, pulling out a fifty mile long scroll of grievances: Well, for starters-

This man is literally just an Alina Starkov compliments machine.

He cares so much about the Grisha and their protection. He loves Ravka and his people so much.

He had an entire cult dedicated to him.

“They would approach him. They always did. But he felt more anxious than usual. He’d stopped trying to make friends in the places he and his mother visited—there was no point when they moved on so quickly. Now he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.”

Save a Villain. Murder the King.

Openly admits to staging a coup like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

He speaks so slowly. He moves so slowly. Everything he does has to have Purpose and Gravitas.

Theater Nerd™

He knew Nikolai for years and yet couldn’t recognize him as Sturmhond. We do stan an oblivious icon 💕

The Darkling after he gets his ass whooped in Siege and Storm: Mom can you please come pick me up? I’m scared!

He’s here to manipulate sun summoners and murder cities. And unfortunately he’s all out of sun summoners.

Would absolutely get drunk on real alcohol. This man thinks kvas is strong liquor.

Has his wrists exposed exactly one time in the most skin he’s shown all season and it’s when Alina visits him at night in the war room. WHORE!

Was too emotionally slutty and fell for Alina. RIP.

He’s passionate and cold and beautiful and hurt and twisted up in ways nobody could ever hope to understand and he’s stunning.

I would literally kill for this man 🖤✨

[himmelheim]

Where do I begin?

Chief shoveling in the forest a la NCIS or whatever, but at least it was short enough a scene. Meh.

Poor Cortana didn't know what was going on, I just want to give her a hug.

And Kai. And Riz & Vannak (these 3 were so cool this episode). And John. Aaaand Miranda, and hell even Kwan, Makee (tho their storylines are so cliche, almost boring tbh). Everyone gets a hug.

Kai exploring her humanity (yooo serious summer 00s/10s vibes from her hair) and the whole Science & Trauma girltalk with Miranda, Miranda realizing the Spartans are victims as much as they are demigods; Chief teasing Cortana, there was a lot I liked.

Halsey's perverted minion does NOT get a hug tho, that one gets pushed into a volcano. He also feels like an ONI dude? I just feel he's going to do something against Chief at some point (I hope he gets his head ripped off)

Halsey, the killer of Ivan the Terrible. And other pets, a la Kingsman. Jfc.

Great acting by Natasha McElhorne, as always.

So glad with the coin flip tho! That scene was top notch, with John staring at her like "we got to deal with the Covenant now but we're gonna have a little chat after that's done".

Kwan storyline tho. It was so cliche and boring, and just when I think "ok she can't be any more stupid than that" she gets stupider. Like Soren was just there to voice our thoughts "stop that, face reality and get the fuck off the planet".

I suppose the desert mystics are gonna tell her something something Forerunner that she'll have to tell John and that gets everyone back on Madrigal, but eeeeh.

It was just cliche boring AND irritating. It just slowed down the whole episode.

Makee's storyline has its problems too, but it didn't put me in a state where I either am about to doze off or want to bang my head against the wall for HALF AN EPISODE.

EDIT: Apparently one of the producers has written for NCIS before. So...I mean, I didn't mean it literally but yeah

[livvyofthelake]

ok final ranking of my boys, and then later i have many more thoughts to share

you already know. my little baby raf 💖 genuinely cheered when he hit seth with that oar

kirin. somehow the blonde jock boring-reggie-mantle motherfucker wormed his way into my heart. he sucks he loves his boys he’s a narcissist he’s bisexual but doesn’t know what that means he’s stupid and he loves his boys….

ivan, yass and slay and serve etc <3

somehow making it in the upper half of the list when he started SO low, josh. he’s just a silly little guy you know. just a funny little dude. and he’s kirin’s pet hamster

henry. i don’t have much to say about henry he’s just slightly more compelling and fun than the remaining boys

scotty. god i hope he gets less boring.

bo, same thing as scotty

dj once again gets a place on this list even with his minimal screentime and the fact he’s not even part of the group, just to make our next guy look even worse than he already does. without further ado:

seth. fuck seth

[destroyyourbinder]

Unriddling the Sphinx: Autism & the Magnetism of Gender Transition

When people note that "trans children" tend to have autistic traits and that children with an autism diagnosis (particularly natal girls, but also boys) are massively overrepresented in the population that is referred to assessment and treatment for gender dysphoria, many trans people's (and allies') response is that it is a kind of dehumanization and denial of agency to claim that autistic people cannot be transgender, do not have the right to seek gender transition, or that they may be vulnerable to being exploited by the transgender healthcare system. Most recently, this claim has come up again with regards to a recent piece by Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling, where among many other things she notes the enormous increase in child referrals to gender clinics, including a disproportionate number of autistic children, to explain her reticence to endorse the political stances of modern transgender movements.

This is my response as an autistic woman, who was once an autistic child, who is a lesbian with experiences of gender dysphoria and who once wanted to transition to male.

-----

1.

Recognizing our vulnerability to social predation and to cultural systems that we do not understand because they were not made for us is not offensive. As autistic people, it is key to claiming our autonomy as a particular kind of disabled person. We often do not recognize our limitations in reference to greater social systems not because we are "too stupid" (i.e. cognitively or intellectually limited) but because we have different value systems than neurotypical people and hierarchical institutions built for their benefit. Autism is a pervasive developmental disability, and it is a way of being. It is not merely being a "regular person" minus various clinically defined psychological capacities or skills. It is a difference across all domains of life, and as a disability that causes differences in our social and sensory perception it is also a disability that causes differences in what we want and what we care about. Both those who exhibit condescending "concern" for autistic people and those people who naively defend our right to do whatever we see fit miss this component of being autistic. It is not that we are merely vulnerable because we are missing parts of our decision-making or social skills apparatus. It is not that we are merely being unfairly denied what we want to do, and our autism is immaterial, just some excuse for the denial.

It's that we aren't recognized as having wants, only "special needs". It's that we aren't given the skills to know what it is that we want, or that it might be different from those around us. It's that we are never told how to get what we want in safe and healthy ways, or that there is even a potentially safe and healthy way to get it. It's that we are deemed automatically pathological and empty of internal experiences as autistic people. It's that we're not given any help on how to navigate our deep differences from others and how to navigate being deprived of social resources and networking in a way that doesn't tell us to just cover it up and deal with it. It's that most people who dedicate their lives to "helping" us do not care about any of these things, merely that we can be trained to act in a way that doesn't disrupt the lives of neurotypical people. Given this context, it is far more insulting to me to insist that having autonomy renders us somehow invulnerable to exploitation than to correctly perceive that we are in fact an intensely vulnerable people. By nature of our disability, we are always on the margins of social resources and social networks, and exercising our autonomy unfortunately often puts us even further outside social acceptability and social protection rather than somehow shielding us materially from the consequences of living a self-actualized autistic life. Few autistic people are prepared for this when they begin trying to make decisions "true to self" in adolescence.

I believe nearly every autistic person is traumatized from the consequences of living in this world and what others do to us. Clinicians do not usually recognize that autistic children and adults can be traumatized, that there is even anything there to traumatize. (Why else could they feel so comfortable shocking us, shackling us, or feeding us bleach?)

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2.

I think because we are not neurotypical we often struggle to understand just why a neurotypical person would feel ok excluding us, or maybe even anyone. Many of us autistic people have little impulse to do such things, and if we do, we rarely have the social power to make someone that we've cut out of our lives unemployable, unable to access medical care, food, housing, and so on. But neurotypical institutions are set up, from top to bottom, to create hierarchies of value with extreme material difference between the top and bottom. They are set up to stratify the "worthy" people from "unworthy" people.

Autistic people are almost universally considered "unworthy" in these systems, and to the extent that we can curry favor from them we must consent to our exploitation: to entering into a transaction on neurotypical terms, where we can get some sort of worth through providing a "benefit" to this hierarchical resource system which is not made according to our value system or for us whatsoever. This is common to all marginalized people. But it is often particularly poignant to autistic people, who struggle to find community with any social group of human beings. There is no "elsewhere" for us, there is no "home". We are stuck, as they say, on the "wrong planet", and the spaceship was destroyed.

The idea that exercising our autonomy would protect us from this world rather than render us more vulnerable because we are refusing to transact correctly or refusing to provide a benefit is utterly absurd. Our autonomy is perfectly compatible with our continued social ostracization and exploitation. It usually coexists with our continued social ostracization and exploitation.

In social skills classes-- or just the wild, wild world-- you are not taught how to deal with the fact that everyone will hate you for being you. You are taught to be someone else. You are not taught about your native autonomy. You are taught about how to put your hands here or here, how to choose between actions that are condescendingly and ridiculously normal. You are not taught how to take responsibility in a way you understand, that is harmonious to your own values and others'. You are taught to hold yourself accountable for your abnormality.

So forgive me if I do not believe for one second that impersonal, well-funded medical systems that were built off of medically experimenting on intersex children and adults (the nightmares wreaked by John Money at Johns Hopkins) or psychologically experimenting on behaviorally aberrant children (UCLA, where behaviorist torturer of autistic children Ivan Lovaas tinkered with gender nonconforming children alongside conversion therapist George Rekers) have autistic people's self-defined well being in mind.

And forgive me if I do not think informed consent clinics have autistic people's self-defined well-being in mind when they're more interested in rubber stamping hormones while shielding themselves from legal liability than assisting autistic adolescents and adults, who have an intrinsically different way of understanding gendered social norms, navigate the enormous complexity of how to interface with the single most fundamental social fixation of the neurotypical world as someone who will always and automatically fail.

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3.

I do not think most gender clinicians even have the first understanding of what it means to be autistic and what this does in and of itself to your understanding of gender and sexuality. What J.K. Rowling said in her piece-- a straightforward accounting of facts-- is far, far less insulting to me than what Diane Ehrensaft-- one of the premier "experts" in the United States on pediatric transgender cases-- published in a peer-reviewed journal on autism. In a 2018 letter to the editor reading remarkably like new-age material on Indigo Children, she writes that she likes to call autistic transgender children "Double Helix Rainbow Kids" and declares us "freed" from the restrictions of gender as "more creative" individuals. This article ends with an anecdote about an eight year old autistic female child with limited language use who begins speaking, making eye contact, and relating more appropriately with clinic staff after she is socially transitioned by her family. Ehrensaft muses, "“Could gender be an alleviator for the stressors of autism?”

She is not the only one to pontificate about the magical changes a gender transition brings on autistic children. Norman Spack (the first clinician in the US to use GnRH agonists on gender dysphoric children as puberty-suppressing drugs) claims in a coauthored, peer-reviewed 2012 paper (insults upon insults, in the Journal of Homosexuality) that in his clinical experience the symptoms of comorbid diagnoses--including "problems with social competence"-- "decrease and even disappear" with gender treatment. In the same paper, this passage appears:

Although the question of whether gender dysphoria is simply a symptom of an autism spectrum disorder has been raised by mental health clinicians in the field, we feel it is equally worth questioning the validity of an autism diagnosis among transgender youth, particularly of those diagnosed with Asperger’s disorder. Perhaps the social awkwardness and lack of peer relationships common among GID-Asperger’s patients is a result of a lifetime of feeling isolated and rejected; and maybe the unusual behavior patterns are simply a coping method for dealing with the anxiety and depression created from living in an “alien body,” as one patient described it.

Do autistic trans people-- who rightfully protest against mainstream autism organizations focusing on a "cure" for autism rather than respectful accommodations for our differences and medical needs-- know that very well-connected, very respected, and very powerful gender doctors are claiming that gender transition cures the symptoms of autism? Do autistic trans people-- who rightfully discuss the implications of denying that someone can both be autistic and hold a meaningful gender variant identity-- know that it is an active clinical debate as to whether or not their disability and all its struggles is "just" a result of somehow ending up in the "wrong body"?

If they do not, they should know that this is how doctors are perceiving the pervasive issues that the children in their care are having: not as the result of a life-long, stigmatized, but eminently livable disability, but as the result of a mystical gender failure that can be medically corrected. That essentially, the disability "goes away" so long as outsiders no longer perceive a problem with a child's conformity to gender norms. That either an autistic girl somehow is transfigured into a non-autistic child through transition, or more likely, an autistic girl's autistic behavior is unfitting for her as a girl but not for her as a boy. That the "proof" of pediatric transition's effectiveness and standard of an autistic child's happiness is how much the child wishes to participate in neurotypical society on neurotypical society's terms.

I cannot pretend that this isn't ludicrously disrespectful to autistic people, or that it isn't a total erasure of our experience as human beings. To these gender doctors, the fact that a girl might see the world in a different way and care about different things and thereby struggle in a world not made for her does not matter whatsoever, except maybe as a tokenistic "journey" she can go on alongside her wonderfully progressive and affirming doctors. What "autism" is for them is a particularly severe and inconvenient social adjustment problem which can be forcibly corrected through body modifications, should an autistic child or adult rightly note that they can't do gender right and this is causing problems for them. They are more interested-- like in a long history of abusive and even deadly "treatments" for autism-- in correcting the problem for them than for the autistic person. How convenient for neurotypical people both the gender incongruous behavior and the social noncompliance goes away once you medically modify a child to look like the other sex.

I cannot be anything but sick that "increased eye contact" is a sign an autistic child needed medical meddling in the intimate process of navigating and negotiating their sexual and gender development. I cannot trust that these doctors aren't missing enormous parts of their autistic patients' experiences, if this is what they are so gleeful to report as a positive transformation and their justification for disrupting and surveilling children's bodies. What do they think of autistic people and those who are gender non-conforming if they are so willing to believe that existing as a person with a stigmatized disability is actually just a misdiagnosis for the pseudoscientific condition of being a man in a woman's body, or vice versa?

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5.

It takes many, many years and quite a bit of luck and support for most autistic people to fully understand and come to terms with how their autism affects them and sets them apart from both individual neurotypical people and neurotypical society at large. It takes years-- often far, far into adulthood, especially for those abused under a medical model or for those who went decades undiagnosed-- to understand the differences between social and non-social aspects of this disability.

It takes years to not resort to chalking up all of your own distress and difficulties to being a "retard".

I have not met an autistic woman yet who did not have extreme difficulty integrating her autistic differences in values with a broader sense of self that includes whatever version of herself she uses to navigate a world in which women's values are simultaneously invisible (since she has no right to determine them herself) and nitpicked to death (since it is important she complies).

In a world like this why would it not be difficult for autistic people to know when it is they are being fooled or exploited while participating in transgender communities or while seeking transgender health care? Autistic people-- especially those who are dependent on caregivers or health systems for basic care, as well as those who depend on the goodwill of their families, employers, or welfare benefit institutions to remain as independent as they can-- have to make continual compromises just to maintain enough acceptability to communicate with the outside world nonetheless do things like "make a friend", "go to the doctor", "find a job".

I do not think neurotypical people understand or care that when I speak or write it is always with a similar effort as with a second language. Language-- whether it is verbal or nonverbal, with all the extensive symbology of the neurotypical world-- does not ever get to be something other than "translation" for me. As someone with an Asperger's-profile of abilities who has studied the neurotypical world intensely for years, I have the opportunity to translate in a way that allows others to understand me at least some of the time. Many autistic people who are more affected live in the world which gives "autism" its name, where nobody cares to do the translation for us and we are left totally and utterly alone.

The 20th century philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein (who, perhaps not coincidentally, was likely autistic) was fixated on questions about the meaning of communication. About whether a language of one could make any sense, about what it would mean to speak about something hidden from everyone else or perhaps even ourselves. In a famous passage debated vociferously, he wrote, "If a lion could speak, we would not be able to understand him."

Many have resolved the question posed by this statement by claiming that for fuck's sake, a lion is a lion, and has nothing to say.

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6.

Gender transition appealed to me because it was cloaked in the farcical notion that there was some version of me and my body that could finally speak directly. I never quite understood the whole Adam and Eve story as an autistic child-- just don't eat it!-- but if there truly were a serpent's apple for autistic folks it would consist of this promise: that there was a world where the glass and the fog would dissolve, that we weren't covered in a repulsive and bumbling slime made of our own desires to understand, that instead of our words and hands glancing off the skin of everyone around us we could do that magic everyone else could and hold someone's heart in our hands. I was fooled because like many struggling autistic people, I wanted the problem to be me. Because then it was fixable. I would let them take my only body (which was such a sensory drag) to convert me into one of these blessed transponders that normal people were, receiving and sending all these messages like shooting stars blazing through the unimpeded vacuum of space. Without my femaleness and without the Difficulties That Should Not Be Named, I could send whatever message I wanted to whoever I wanted and it would be received, I could be gregarious, important, sexually compelling; my will and autonomy wouldn't be stifled by 140 pounds of dumpy, itchy flesh with an overbite and slack hands.

When I imagined myself as a man I didn't imagine myself like most of the childhood boys I managed to ingratiate myself with, who lisped, repeated themselves, and tripped over their own shoes. I imagined myself as a musician who was absolutely magnetic, I imagined myself as a writer with a legacy, I imagined myself telling other guys they were stupid shits and they could fuck off. I imagined being able to hold onto a football without dropping it, being able to smoke weed without getting a migraine, being able to talk without squeaking or letting out a little drool.

I thought I would finally be a human being with no embarrassments and nothing that could get me bullied in the bathroom between class. I thought when I would say "no", other people would listen. I would enter whatever mystical world it is that Ehrensaft names, made of messages and meanings, where every twist of word and piece of clothing said something, connected by a fine filament back to that Necronomicon filled with the runes of social symbology. And it would make sense.

I would become a lion, not a house cat. And the lion would speak. And we would understand him.

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7.

It is a neurotypical narrative that this is what transition can do for you, because it is what someone else's transition does for neurotypical people. A gender transition is magical because it decodes the lion. It unriddles the sphinx. The autistic person must be happier now, because the neurotypical person is happier now. (And who has an empathy deficit?)

But if I have learned to be afraid of anything as an autistic person it is not my own neuroticism and fixations, but those of the so-called "normal people". Forget double helix rainbows: being an autistic person is like your DNA is a converted school bus trundling through the world in spray-painted glory and the whole world has an HOA. I understand why autistic people who see themselves as transgender see "concern" as the busybody stupidity of the neurotypical world. They aren't wrong. But it exists alongside other mundane and brutal busybody stupidities, such as grant funding, progressive saviorism, and psychiatric god-complexes.

To understand and resist what the neurotypical world communicates to us about our worth is not to protest back to them in their own language. I am an autistic woman and like many other autistic women I am tired of not only making myself more palatable but translating my existence into something intelligible to outsiders, who are both men and the non-autistic. Radical feminists miss one of these; trans activists and allies miss the other. But I am irrevocably othered from both.

When you are autistic you are taught only one symbolic structure. It is not your own, but it is the only medium you will ever have to communicate with any complexity. More sinisterly, it becomes the only medium we have to communicate to ourselves, the only medium we can use to work around the silent and jumbled parts of our bodies and minds. Am I hungry? It is not always obvious. To ask the question I find myself translating, even when alone.

My fantasy about lions and men was that whatever world a lion lived in and whatever he had to say, he did not need to translate, and especially never to himself. When a lion says something he does not stop to ask if he means what he says or who is saying it. When a lion looks into the water hole and sees his own reflection, he does not need to reconcile anything. The lion does not need to speak to understand himself. A lion is made of teeth and blood and claws and the lion just does.

I do not use the symbolism of transgenderism to explain the little gaps and incongruities that are my problems with gender, with my sexed body, with sexuality. It is not only a language born of neurotypical neuroses and regulation, but it is always and forever fundamentally a translation. As an autistic woman I have spent my whole life avoiding these dual facts, through both my time thinking of myself as trans and while trying to understand this whole thing afterwards: I am my body and I am not my body. Because I speak, but I do not understand. Because I understand, but I do not speak.

I will, unavoidably, always have to translate to speak and understand. But my autonomy requires that at bottom I must respect the native communication of my own body and mind. I refuse to use force or coercion to get it to talk, to interrupt its silence, to confabulate stories on its behalf, to speak for it using assumptions it cannot confirm or deny. I have to make peace with the fact that sometimes the blanks of my body or the redacted corners of my mind will say nothing. I have to make peace with the fact that translation is always inaccurate, that something is always beyond that constellation of symbols and words. The autistic body and the autistic mind have their own boundaries, and I refuse to believe that exercising my autonomy requires breaking them.

I do not know if J.K. Rowling knows this. I hope you do.

[hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong]

Growing Bonds

Bond 1 achieved

Rex nervously went up to Quetz's door. He had an important question to ask.

Rex, knocking: hello? Can I come in?

Quetz: master? Oh sure, come right in!

After that the door opens. Rex comes into the room. Quetz was sitting on her bed in her casual clothes.

Quetz: Hola master! Is there something you needed?

Rex: actually, I wanted to ask... would you... like to go eat with me...?

Quetz: si! I'd love to master!

Rex, now beaming with happiness: thanks!

Bond 2 achieved

Rex was sitting at a chair in the rec room, watching a movie.

Quetz sneaked up behind him, then placed her hands over his eyes

Quetz: guess whoooo...

Rex: ...Quetz?

Quetz, removing her hands: si! You got it!

Rex: of course I did! I'd recognize your voice anywhere!

Quetz: that's so nice master! Actually I had a question to ask you tho

Rex: hmmm?

Quetz: would you like to go on a date with me?

Rex, shocked: you want to go out with me!?!

Quetz: si!

Rex: I-I-I'd love to! Yeah!

Quetz: gracias master!

Bond 3 achieved

Quetz knocked on Rex's door.

Rex: who is it?

Quetz: it's me master! Quetzalcoatl!

Rex: oh hey Quetz! Come in!

She enters the room

Rex: you wanted something?

Quetz: si, I wanted to ask you a very important question.

Rex: what is it?

Quetz: do you want to... be boyfriend and girlfriend?

Rex: !?!?

Rex: y-y-you want to date me!?

Quetz: si! It's clear you like me and I like you so why don't we try it!?

Rex: then yes! A thousand times yes!

Quetz: gracias master!

Bond 4 achieved

The two were cuddling in bed for the first time.

Rex: I can't believe how good this feels.

Quetz: si, I've never experienced it, but now I don't want it to end!

Rex: same here! The feeling of your arms around me and your body so close feels amazing

Quetz: oh master! You saying that makes me feel good!

Bond 5 achieved

Quetz: master, we've been dating for a bit and honestly it's been amazing. You've become such an amazing partner. I didn't think I'd be so happy with someone!

Rex, blushing: Quetz...! Thank you, that feels so good to hear! You're an amazing partner too! I'm so happy to be together with you!

Quetz: gracias mi amor! That makes me happy!

Rex: what did you call me?

Quetz: hm? Mi amor?

Rex: wow, I dunno why but you calling me that felt so good. Thanks... mi corazon!

Quetz: awww!

Bond 6 achieved

Post Solomon

Quetz, knocking on Rex's door: mi amor! Are you ok?

Rex, quietly: I'm fine...

Quetz: you've been in your room ever since we returned form the temple of time. You miss him don't you?

Rex: it's just... why did he have to sacrifice himself! Was there truly no other way!?

Quetz: Roman's sacrifice was needed to stop Goetia. And he chose to do so, so that you and the others can save humanity and live long and full lives!

Rex: I know that! But still... he was like a second father almost...

Quetz: can I come in?

Rex: yeah...

Quetz, coming in: do you want to talk about it?

Rex: not really...

Quetz: ...want to cuddle?

Rex: yeah...

The two embrace each other.

Bond 7 achieved

Post Agartha

Rex: man that pseudo-singularity sucked. But it was so satisfying kicking that dickhead columbus's ass and destroy thay stupid city!

Quetz: si! The wild goosechase to find that city lead to the suffering of my worshippers. It was so cathartic to see it go down, and that foolish man with it.

Rex: y'know what we should do? We should celebratea

Quetz: really!? That sounds amazing!

Rex: yeah, we'll have music, food, watch a movie.

Quetz: that sounds so exciting!

Rex: we can even drink tequila!

Quetz: mi amor!? You'll drink with me?!

Rex: it's a special occasion! So why not!?

Quetz: yay! Let's get this party started!

Bond 8 achieved

A little while before cosmos in lostbelt starts

Rex was sitting in his bed

Quetz: mi amor? Is everything OK?

Rex: ...not really

Quetz: what's wrong?

Rex: it's just... They're going to force me to unsummon you. I don't want to be separated.

Quetz: oh mi amor! It'll be alright!

Rex: not it won't! We may never see each other again! I don't want you to leave me

Quetz: it'll be OK mi amor, I'm sure we'll see each other again.

Rex: how can you be so sure? Did you see the future?

Quetz: no, that's just the future I choose to believe in. I can tell deep in my heart we'll be reunited!

Rex: ...I hope you're right.

Quetz: I know I am!

Bond 9 achieved

During Russia lostbelt, after defeating Ivan and separated from the others

Rex, at his summoning circle: please come back to me mi corazon! I need you here with me again!

The summoning stops and Quetz is there

Quetz: Hola! The goddess Quet- mi amor?

Rex: Hola mi corazon!

Quetz: mi amor!!!

Rex: mi corazon!

The two embrace each other after finally being reunited.

Quetz: it's so good to see you again mi amor!

Rex: and it's great to see you again too. You were right! We did get to reunite!

Quetz: I told you we would!

Bond 10 achieved

Quetz, coming into their room: mi amor? Did you call for me?

Rex: si mi corazon! I have a very important question to ask

Quetz: que?

Rex went down on one knee, and brought out a ring

Rex: will you marry me?

Quetz: !!!!

Quetz: yes! A thousand times yes!!

Quetz put on the ring and then embraced Rex

Quetz: you've made me the happiest goddess ever!

Rex: and I'm the happiest human ever!

A/M: so this was based on the bond system fgo has. I feel like it made sense for a servant and master's bond to rank up after a big moment together so I decided to write it out here! No bonds 11-15 since I still haven't reached that in game myself.

Tags

@hasishtardoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @panyum @grievouslyxorvia @nureenarts

[kristenswig]

Best Picture

Nomadland

The Trial of the Chicago 7

Minari

Mank

Judas and the Black Messiah

Promising Young Woman

One Night in Miami

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

The Father If 10- Sound of Metal In Its Flop Era- News of the World How Far Are We Taking This Bit- The Mauritanian No- Da 5 Bloods Fell Off- Soul Get Out of My House- Borat

Best Director

Chloe Zhao - Nomadland

David Fincher - Mank

Lee Isaac Chung - Minari

Emerald Fennell - Promising Young Woman

Shaka King - Judas and the Black Messiah I Simply Do Not Accept It Into My Heart - Aaron Sorkin - The Trial of the Chicago 7 Let’s Ask Oscar Nominated Directors Ben Affleck, Denzel Washington, and Bradley Cooper How This Goes - Regina King - One Night in Miami I’m Not Seeing It But I Would Like To - Florian Zeller - The Father Still No - Spike Lee - Da 5 Bloods Whoever the Hell Directed This - “Paul Greengrass” - News of the World Wouldn’t Be That Surprising - Thomas Vinterberg - Another Round

Best Actress

Viola Davis - Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Frances McDormand - Nomadland

Carey Mulligan - Promising Young Woman 

Vanessa Kirby - Pieces of a Woman

Andra Day - The United States vs. Billie Holiday Fad - Rosamund Pike - I Care a Lot Stop Trying to Make This Happen - Sophia Loren - The Life Ahead I Do Have to Be Impressed With Netflix’s Blatant Astroturfing of This Campaign/Movie - Zendaya - Malcolm & Marie shestrying.jpg - Amy Adams - Hillbilly Elegy

Best Actor

Chadwick Boseman - Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Anthony Hopkins - The Father

Riz Ahmed - Sound of Metal

Steven Yeun - Minari

Gary Oldman - Mank Tempting- Tahar Rahim - The Mauritanian Most Acting- Delroy Lindo - Da 5 Bloods Sure!- Mads Mikkelsen - Another Round

Supporting Actress

Yuh-Jung Youn - Minari

Maria Bakalova - Borat

Olivia Colman - The Father

Amankda Seyfried - Mank

Dominique Fishback - Judas and the Black Messiah Do I Dare Predict This Snub - Glenn Close - Hillbilly Elegy Still Feels Like a Globes Thing - Jodie Foster - The Mauritanian Even I Didn’t Get Why This Was Supposed to Happen - Ellen Burstyn - Pieces of a Woman Shut It Down - Helena Zengel - News of the World

Supporting Actor

Daniel Kaluuya - Judas and the Black Messiah

Sacha Baron Cohen - Trial of the Chicago 7

Leslie Odom Jr. - One Night in Miami

Paul Raci - Sound of Metal

David Strathairn - Nomadland Nothing for This Movie - Chadwick Boseman - Da 5 Bloods Everything for This Movie? - Alan Kim - Minari Also a Fad - Jared Leto - The Little Things

Adapted Screenplay

Nomadland

The Father

One Night in Miami

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

B*rat Should’ve Just Sat There and Ate Your Tech Nominations - News of the World Ok - The Mauritanian When Did This Category Get So Many Contenders - The White Tiger BONNIE WAKE UP - I’m Thinking of Ending Things BONNIE STAY WITH ME I NEED YOU - First Cow

Original Screenplay

Trial of the Chicago 7

Mank

Promising Young Woman

Minari

Judas and the Black Messiah Probably Stupid Not to Predict This - Sound of Metal In Another Year - Soul They Probably Watched This - Palm Springs They Did Not Watch This - Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Cinematography

Nomadland

Mank

News of the World

The Trial of the Chicago 7 (???)

Judas and the Black Messiah Was Going to Predict This Until the ASC Happened - Minari Cherk? - Cherk The Worst Shot Movie of the Year - Da 5 Bloods His Movies Only End Up Here If It’s Also a Best Picture Nominee - Tenet Automatic B&W Possibilities - Malcolm & Marie, Dear Comrades, Gunda

Costume Design

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Mank

Emma

Personal History of David Copperfield

Jingle Jangle CHAOS NOMINEE They Didn’t Care for Aladdin?- Mulan Another Tempting Pick- Ammonite Feel Like It Should’ve Had a Guild Nomination- News of the World Aggressive- Promising Young Woman Recent- The United States vs. Billie Holiday

Film Editing

The Trial of the Chicago 7

Nomadland

Promising Young Woman

Sound of Metal

The Father (the gif is at the ready) I Had Mank in Too Many Categories So I Dropped It From Here - Mank Is In The BP Top 5 - Minari Already Predicting That This Movie Will Stomp So - Judas and the Black Messiah The Paul Greengrass Version of This Movie Would’ve Scored - News of the World Again Only When He’s In Best Picture - Tenet

Makeup and Hair

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Hillbilly Elegy

Birds of Prey

The Glorias

Jingle Jangle AGAIN Another Mank Prediction Drop - Mank Is It Flashy Enough?? - Emma Gaslighting is When I’m Told Another Pinocchio Movie Came Out - Pinocchio

Production Design

Mank

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

News of the World

The Midnight Sky

Tenet See Above Re: Aladdin - Mulan They Don’t Like Women’s Period Pieces Here - Emma Deserves Pt. 1 - The Father Enough - The Trial of the Chicago 7 Deserves Pt. 2 - Personal History of David Copperfield

Score

Soul

Mank

Minari

The Midnight Sky

Tenet Literally No Clue - News of the World Watch Another Movie - The Trial of the Chicago 7 Kristenswig Official FYC - The Invisible Man

how did we literally get rid of sound editing before this category

the one song about speaking

the one song about seeing

the one song about fighting

the one song about hearing

I had the word “Eurovision” blacklisted on this website and also Twitter so I didn’t even know this movie existed until like 4 months after it came out Stacey - Abrams Minari?? The Only Song I’ve Actually Heard and then Voluntarily Listened to Again - Green

Sound et al.

Sound of Metal

Mank

News of the World

Greyhound

Tenet (although I’m sensing a potential breakup between this branch and Christopher Nolan coming) There Was The....Music - Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom There Was Also Music - Soul Bucket Shitting - Nomadland Space! - The Midnight Sky

Visual Effects

Tenet

The Midnight Sky

Welcome to Chechnya

Mank

The ! One ! and ! Only ! Ivan ! Not Feeling Her - Mulan the what - Love and Monsters

Animated Feature

Soul

Wolfwalkers

Over the Moon

Onward (the sample size for two Pixars potentially being nominated at the same time is like...one non-pandemic year)

Shaun the Sheep ??? - The Croods Most Influential - Trolls World Tour Literally Nothing Would Surprise Me - Bombay Rose We Already Have Netflix Covered Twice Here - The Willoughbys When tf Did This Come Out - No. 7 Cherry Lane 

Doc Feature

Time (or is this the frontrunner that gets snubbed every year)

Collective

Welcome to Chechnya

Boys State

All In This Makes Sense! - MLK/FBI This Makes Sense! - Crip Camp This Makes Sense! - The Truffle Hunters This Makes Sense! - Dick Johnson Is Dead

The Artist Formerly and More Accurately Known as Best Foreign Language Film

Another Round

Quo Vadis Aida

Collective

Two of Us

The Man Who Sold His Skin There Are Like 500 Ways You Could Spin The Last 3 Spots In This Category and I Wouldn’t Be Shocked So In Descending Order of Likelihood? - Dear Comrades, La Llorona, I’m No Longer Here, Night of Kings

[aquadestinyswriting]

For Nindan: Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child? For A'ashe: Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is? For Merri: What recurring dreams do they have? For Selene: They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save?

Ta for the asks Dru <3.

For Nindan: Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

If Nhindan couldn’t take care of a plant or child, then the Nettie children would have been in majorly big trouble :p (A’ashe and company came across one of them, fully grown, during their latest adventure, so clearly she did something right). As far as pets... that would kind of depend a bit. Aquatic or space-faring, sure, no problem. Land-based is a little more tricky, but I think she would manage ok for the most part unless it was something carnivorous.

For A'ashe: Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?

A’ashe will happily take advice from Snrrl and N3 as far as her crew goes. They’re both knowledgeable and dependable and have proven to be capable of making sound decisions, even when everything is falling apart around them.

A’ashe will never take advice from Meelo, even if it’s to do with anything Force-related. I mean, the guy offended Darth-effing-Vader and has almost died due to stupid decisions multiple times (as well as endangering the lives of others in the crew to boot). The only reason she keeps him around is because despite all of the above, the little git has managed to survive and save the crew members that he put into danger in the first place. Also because, for some reason, the Force has decided that the two must travel together for some godsforsaken reason unknown to either A’ashe or Meelo.

For Merri: What recurring dreams do they have?

This one’s actually pretty tricky. Merri has been through a lot of very traumatic stuff in a fairly short period of time and it’s hard to say which ones she has regular dreams about. The one that sticks out most prominently at the moment is somehow losing her connection to Moradin. This happened at least twice during the adventure and is still something she is completely terrified of, so it’s a recurrent theme in her nightmares for quite a long while. The other major one is losing her very much extended family in various gruesome and horrifying ways. As much as Meredith jokes about having to resurrect Elowyn on a semi-regular basis, it’s something that scares her every damn time because she’s convinced that this time it simply won’t work for whatever reason.

For Selene: They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save?

This is another somewhat tricky one. Mostly because Sel will want to spend as her first instinct, but then the more sensible part of her (i.e Edwin) will remind her that saving might be a good idea just in case, especially now that she has a family of her own. At the moment, I think she’d spend half (mostly on paying Orrock for Ivan’s bar tab and all the repairs he’s had to make to the Plot Hook over the years >_>) then save the rest.

These were fun to do. Thanks again <3.

[sk8terzz]

OK WAIT VAMPIRE AU AND IM LIVING FOR IT i have a shit ton of headcanons so,,,

here’s a quick summary

Humans hunt vampires and they’re often outcased/killed, although there’s been more recently since they’re learning from a young age to disguise themselves and can now hide their teeth.

also there's a couple types of vampires: some who melt in sun but have wings and can eat normal diets and those who don’t melt in sun, don’t have wings and need a little bit of blood in their diets (but it can be from like,, animals. It doesn’t have to be humans)

the vampires who melt in the sun (ILL CALL EM MELTY BOYS) are super rare so unless stated otherwise, whenever i say “X is a vampire” i'm referring to the not melty ones with no wings

setting/time/almost everything is the same. They are just. Vampires. (THEY LOOK DIFFERENTS TOO SFBDJHG)

also ships include: adrinette/ladynoir, djwifi, julerose, kimax, myvan, nathaniel/marc (I FORGOT THEIR SHIP NAME) and chlolix (chloe/alix)

You can send me ask if you want more details on certain things but yeah

if that interest you there’s more stuff under the cut

here’s what everyone is because its easier

Marinette: vampire *MELTY BOY

Adrien: vampire *MELTY BOY

Nino: human

Alya: half vampire thing?? Idk it just feels right *the sun hurts her skin a little, and she has little wings*

Chloe: vampire

Sabrina: human

Alix: vampire

Kim: human

Max: human

Rose: human

Juleka: vampire *MELTY BOY

Nathaniel: human

Lila: human

Mylene: human

Ivan: vampire

Everyone else is a human except for marc, nathalie and adrien’s mom *MELTY BOY

- marinette feels rlly bad about being a vampire (ALSO she a melty one)

- “TIKKI IM A VAMPIRE BRO I CANT BE LADYBUG”

- can go in the sun for about a minutes before it begins to really hurt so being ladybug isn’t awful cause she can hide in the shade most of the time

- ALWAYS HAS A SUN CAP ON (when she’s marinette) she just wants to be in the sun bro

- some guys start a theory that ladybug’s a vampire and she’s SCREAMING LIKE BRO HOW DO THEY KNOW but it was a joke

- alya is like,, super weird about vampires cause she was taught her whole life to hate vampires by nora because she thinks they’re super dangerous

- at first alya’s like “yeah suck it vampires” and then she learns she’s actually half vampire and she’s kinda like

- “fuck”

- almost rejects the miraculous lb gave her cause she was like “no im kinda vampire”

- but lb just goes “yeah me too so what”

- ALYA FREAKS SHE’S LIKE FUCK YEAH VAMP GANG

- nino’s super chill with her being a vampire!! he finds it rlly cool lol

i feel like i could go into more detail about their relationship but That’s Another Story For Another Day

- adrien kinda hates being a vampire (esp a melty one) and hides it from everyone but plagg

- his dad would kill him for being a vampire because then his son wouldn’t be perfect and that’s not good enough

- felix figures out he’s a vampire but doesn’t tell anyone

- felix isn’t a fan of vampires but respects his cousin and keeps his secret

- hiding his wings is so annoying like??? He wraps them around his body and wears a cap all the time is the WORST

- also same thing as lb he can go in the sun for about a minute as chat noir before he begins to melt

- again i can go into more detail about chat noir/ladybug and marinette/adrien but im trying to keep this kinda short

- CHLOE OH GOD chloe is so scared

- don’t get me wrong she still is mean and petty but she’s really scared someone will find out shes a vampire

- and someone does

- BUT ITS ALIX AND SHES ALSO A VAMPIRE LMAO

- alix is super chill with chloe and is like “hey man i know ur a vampire but i am too”

- after this they both end up getting feeling for each other lol

- THEY BE DATING but that’s a secret

- chloe’s mom knows she’s a vampire because she saw her fangs when she was born which is part of the reason she doesn’t like chloe

- in this au audrey never warms up to chloe instead chloe learns to not give a shit about what her mom thinks (with the help of marinette and ladybug) and tells her off before her mom leaves for new york

- her mom still keeps the fact that chloe’s a vampire a secret from everyone tho

- cause outing someone as a vampire is actually so low that even thought like yeah,, not everyone likes vampires but like no one’s gonna like u either bc you outed them on something so personal and something they trusted you with

- sabrina doesn’t care if chloe’s a vampire she still really cares about her

- but sabrina wouldn’t like it if anyone else was a vampire

- also another thing about chloe she tends to act like she hates vampires to avoid detecting from the Vamp Police 

- ig the vamp police is like sabrina’s dad who really hates vampires and actively looks for them (which is part of the reason sabrina isn’t a big fan of vampires either.)

- they’re not called the vamp police it’s just the police but i like saying that

- like i said before alix is Vampire and basically learns who’s a vampire in the class super quickly

- she knows what to look for when someone’s hiding their identity and knows she’s not the only vampire in the class

- she also figures out everyone’s super hero identities (which is why she gets the rabbit miraculous)

- max knows from stats that it’s likely that there's a couple people in the class who are vampires

- KIM DIDN’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT A VAMPIRE WAS BECAUSE HIS FAMILY THOUGHT IT WOULD SCARE HIM SO THEY NEVER TOLD HIM LMAO

- max had to teach him (with the help of alix) what a vampire was but it took like an hour

- the only reason kim actually learned something is because his boyfriend told him that if he paid super close attention (after running through the whole presentation like 3 times) he would give him a smooch

- after that kim grew a big brain and learned everything

- both of their parents and ondine would be super accepting if they were vampires tho

- but they’re both human

- also a little more lore its not biological if you’re a vampire or not it’s purely chance

- Its kinda like being born lgbt ig

- ALSO EVERYONE IS SOME FORM OF LGBT but i have my own hc for that

- lgbt vampires are incredibly oppressed like they can’t go out into the street *pensive*

- ANYWAYS juleka is a melty vampire and rose is a human

- rose’s family is super into hunting vampires 

- rose invited her gf over for a family dinner and the whole time they talked about killing vampires

- juleka doesn’t hate being a vampire and thinks it’s really cool

- SO SHE DRESSES LIKE A VAMPIRE???

- rose had marinette design juleka a sun hat similar to hers because juleka kept forgetting she melts in the sun and went out in it more times then she should’ve

- juleka’s a little bit more outgoing in this au and drops hints that she’s a vampire because she thinks it’s Epic

- rose has to remind her that not everyone thinks it’s epic

- nathaniel is really passionate about vampires and wants to learn more about them

- HE POPPED OFF HARD WHEN HE LEARNED HIS BOYFRIEND’S A VAMPIRE

- nathaniel is so supportive of marc it’s rlly cute

- he has to stop himself from mentioning his bf’s a vampire bc he remembers not everyone thinks it’s as cool as he does

- marc loves that nathaniel is so supportive

- when he first saw nathaniel drawing the class of vampires he just went “fuck he’s the one”

- 100% nathaniel draws marc looking super vampire during class

- i’m just now thinking of akuma’s but like here’s kinda how it would work

- They’re basically the same as they were before (being all evil and shit,, basically the same powers) but i think there would be some story changes??

- lady wifi would be less concerned with lb’s identity and more with if she’s a vampire or not because the cause of her akuma would be her theorizing if lb’s a vamp or not

- causing chloe to make fun of her and say stuff like “cool people can’t be vampires they’re stupid and serve no purpose in life”

- lady wifi doesn’t manage to rip of either lb’s mask for her fake teeth because the costume change also adds fake human teeth to replace the real ones (and you can’t take them off like the mask)

- but lady wifi doesn’t know this so she assumes lb’s not a vampire which she’s disappointed with but alya doesn’t remember this

- BUT the media and chat noir think that she’s not a vampire

- reflekta’s design is a little different but that’s about it

- The change with lady wifi is the only akuma i can think about rn but if i do more headcanons about this i might go more into detail on stuff like that

- CHAT BLANC IS ALSO DIFFERENT

- the build up to the akumatisation is basically the same but adrien realises that lb is marinette and also a melty vampire cause he she’s her melt a little when she leaves the room

- after marinette breaks up with adrien he runs in and transforms 

- after the reveal of adrien’s mom and stuff adrien reveals his wings and tries to kill is dad

- gabriel is disgusted by his son and tells him how disappointed his mother would be

- then chat gets akumatized and stuff

- instead of hitting the moon he’d hit the sun so that he didn’t need to struggle with being a vampire anymore

- he sucks the life out of hawkmoth and claims that he and lb can be together now that there’s no daylight but she says she can live like this which is when he kills her and goes on a murder spree

- then he just sits atop the eiffel tower in complete darkness until past lb shows up with bunnyx and she fixes everything

- his motives are more about disappointing his mother this time and being ashamed about being a vampire

- and also that his wish would be to make it so nobody is a vampire so people wouldn't have to feel ashamed about their identity and hide it all the time

- lb teaches him to love himself and his identity as a vampire and how proud his mother would’ve been of him

- ok enough about chat blanc 

- lila is a human and she acts like she loves vampires 

- but she actually hates them

- she’s super touchy with adrien and he’s even more uncomfortable now cause he knows she’s lying and would hate him when she found his wings

- all the vampires have seen this act before and tell their s/o’s so basically everyone’s against lila except for like maybe sabrina

- no one thinks she’s cool because i hate her

- she still lies about going on rides with prince ali and other stuff 

- WOULD TOTALLY OUT SOMEONE AS A VAMPIRE

- absolute jerk

- her family is known for hunting vampires but she claims she’s different

- ok but ivan is just a sweet vampire trying to keep his identity a secret and mylene is just his support human gf who loves him just the way he is

- ivan doesn’t hate being a vampire but also doesn’t like it cause he’s worried that everyone will say stuff like “i bet you’re a vampire” “you’re a villain and you’re cruel, just like vampires” and other stupid stuff

- he is just a soft man

- MYLENE DEFENDS HIM WITH HER LIFE

- mylene thinks him being a vampire is super cool!!

- they kiss a lot and ivan is worried he’ll bite her but she’s ok with it

- sometimes ivan wishes he was a melty vampire so he could wrap his wings around mylene to cuddle her and stuff

- they are v cute valid couple

- gabriel knows nathalie is a vampire and she knows he knows but neither of them make comments on it

- nathalie does really like vampires and doesnt mind being one herself

- she knows adrien’s a vampire and helps him hide it

- his father likes to know everything about adrien so he tried leaving cups with blood in them in his room to see if he would drink them

- and if he did cause he didn’t know his father was testing him nathalie would just refill them

- she starts keeping blood around the house and gabriel assumes it’s just for her cause he isn’t educated and doesn’t know the difference between rare vamps and the common vamps

- but it’s for adrien

- ALSO LIKE LAST ONE BUT one time lb and chat went out at night to hunt for blood cause they were thirsty but they ran into each other and it was rlly awkward

- but they’re both rlly oblivious and convince each other that they were out for a nightly stroll cause they couldnt sleep

[manyearsaway]

CHARACTER THING :3

tagged by:    NO ONE I TOOK IT FROM ME

tagging:   anyone 

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME.     Brian James Rodgers NICKNAME.     bri, space cowboy, dumb baby GENDER.     male HEIGHT.     6′3″ tall glass o water AGE.     26 ZODIAC.     leo :o SPOKEN LANGUAGES.     english. ivan taught him some russian but he can only rly have the most basic conversations

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR.     brown  EYE COLOR.     green  SKIN TONE.     he a white boy. lil pale but spends a lotta time outside tbh he probably sunburnt on the face a lot  BODY TYPE.     lanky boy. long legs. skinny baby (ok in the winter he has a TINY big more weight on him but not enough to rly notice). VOICE.       i think. a TOUCH of a southern accent. just a lil bit. comes out more when he’s angry than anything else, or when he’s being sarcastic. but like otherwise it’s pretty average toned/pitched and stuff. MAYBE a lil deeper than norm. DOMINANT HAND.     left.... to be DIFFERENT. POSTURE.     he sits and stands up straight for the most part tbh. he only really relaxes in bed. SCARS.     he’s got like the SLIGHTEST scar on his forehead bc he busted it on something in the ship. he’s got one on his right calf bc of some dumb shit he was tryna do when he was a kid (les be real he was tryna go to space from the roof in a cardboard box).  TATTOOS.      no but he wouldnt be opposed to getting something space themed in the future BIRTHMARKS.     he’s got a lil tan mark on the inside of his left thigh. it kinda looks like florida ??? MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).     TALL. he tall. his nose ? kinda wack. hair? amazing. perfection. touch it.

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH.     dayton, ohio (more like englewood, the outskirts of dayton that’s still a dayton zipcode but isn’t actually in dayton. u kno how it be sometimes).  HOMETOWN.    dayton/englewood ohio SIBLINGS.    non but he counts ivan zack and lukas since he doesn’t have anyone ELSE PARENTS.   james and dorothy rodgers. james worked on a farm n dorothy made quilts (( brian still has one tucked in his backpack )).

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION.    an ASTRONUAT !!!  CURRENT RESIDENCE.    literally wherever the feels like livin CLOSE FRIENDS.    michael taylor, ivan bardin, lukas stillwater !  RELATIONSHIP STATUS.    sad FINANCIAL STATUS.    he gets like 5k a month from the association. they also pay all his bills for him SO FAR. DRIVER’S LICENSE.    he used to have one. but its expired LMAO CRIMINAL RECORD.    oh god no he’s a good baby ...... so get him into trouble .........  VICES.    chronically dumb. doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. bad at keeping secrets unless its SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT and someone he loves.

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.     he bi baby. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  top  |  bottom  |  verse.                    ( i? have not thought abt this too much but honestly tell him what u want him to be and he’ll do his darndest ) LIBIDO.     ok he will NEVER say no to sex. ever. but? he’s stupid. u gotta be explicit.  LOVE LANGUAGE.    looking at the stars together. having picnics. laying in the grass together. holding hands. nose kisses. spooning. telling them abt space (but like.... softly..... lmao) RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.    ok. you really really gotta be honest with him or he’s just not going to know. he’s only ever been with ONE PERSON since he was in high school so he just like. has forgotten everything abt dating. not to mention he just doesn’t have any idea how social norms work now. like talk about your feelings? beat around the bush? is going on dates acceptable? are there any dances to go to? what’s goin on? but as soon as he figures out that like.... oh man..... this person wants to like BE TOGETHER..... he is the SWEETEST BOY. he will talk ur ear off about the last thing he read or like (if he ever confides in them) what life was like when he was little/back when he was from. he’ll make little deserts from the 20s/30s that he remembers and he’ll buy flowers at LEAST once a week. he loves to just sit and listen to their day and whats goin on with them because he KNOWS he talks to much and sometimes he just likes to listen. he REALLY likes to just sit and read with them. curled up on the couch or somethin. just livin together really. 

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.   '39 BY QUEEN LMAO HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.    he loves to read !!! he love to reread his astronomy book and he actually rly likes to find old high school history books and go through them to figure out what the FUCK is going on, but he also likes to see the differences in how two different textbooks describe the same events.  LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.    left brain but brian would say that left and right brained stuff is dumb  FEARS.    never fitting in i guess?? at this point he probably a little afraid the association is going to send him back to space and he wont have a choice SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.    he a humble boy. he thinks what hes done is SO RAD but hes quick to build someone else up before him VULNERABILITIES.    HM. talkin too much i guess.

[queenofmoons67]

something wild (calls you home): chapter three

Word Count: 1855

Thank you to my beta @bookdancerfics!

Chapter 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5: Kotetsu and Antonio

Kotetsu didn’t remember how his call band got like that. He didn’t remember, and that was terrifying, because he would think he would remember something like that—but he had already known he had a giant gap in his memory, and it wasn’t as scary as losing Tomoe, or almost losing Kaede, or the lost look on Bunny’s face as he set his phone down after calling Lloyds.

“Oi, Bunny,” Kotetsu said, nosing at his partner’s hand. “Buuuunny. It’s gonna be alright. Ok?”

Bunny’s hand lifted up, then came to rest at the back of Kotetsu’s neck, his thumb rubbing in circles. “You’re a greedy dog, you know that?”

“Sorry, I’m a what now? Who led you here?” Kotetsu tried to pull back a little, except—except Bunny’s hand was heavier than he had thought, and his partner instinctively tightened his hand before letting go, and—and, well, if Bunny needed him, then of course Kotetsu would stay.

He nudged his head back under Bunny’s hand, resting on his partner’s knee and looking up with eyes as wide as he could make them. Bunny looked back with eyes just as wide.

Kotetsu waggled his eyebrows.

Bunny choked on a laugh, then looked away, his own brows furrowing and lip wobbling guiltily. He took a breath, then another, and when he looked back his gaze was set. “Fire’s right,” Bunny said. “You need a name. Especially if you’re going to be sticking around and leading us to clues.”

Kotetsu huffed. “Well it’s not like I’m going anywhere. I might as well help you guys find me, right?”

Bunny hummed a bit, staring down at him, thumb still rubbing in circles. Kotetsu could hear Nathan moving around behind them, but he resolutely stared back. Bunny was quiet. Kotetsu stared. Bunny was still quiet.

Kotetsu tossed his head a bit, though he was careful not to dislodge his partner’s hand. “What are you thinking, Bunny?”

“Keith named his dog John…”

“Oh, hell no,” Kotetsu gasped. This time he did rear back, unable to help himself. “Bunny I swear, if you name me something humanlike there is no hope for you.”

“You don’t like that one, huh?”

Kotetsu stared at him, scandalized. “Bunny, naming me after Keith’s dog is worse. I might actually bite you.”

Bunny smiled a little, reaching out a knuckle in the way people usually offer hands to dogs. “Don’t worry, I’ll try to think of something a little more… fierce. Or brave.”

Kotetsu leaned in, bypassing sniffing Bunny’s fingers entirely in favor of butting his head back under for more scratches.

“You found your way to my apartment, after all, even injured as you were. And you led us here. You deserve a brave name.” His fingers lowered to Kotetsu’s nape, scratching at an itchy spot, and Kotetsu sighed.

“There may be hope for you yet, Bunny-chan.”

Antonio wasn’t sure what he expected when he ran up, panting, at the new crime scene: Fire Emblem holding Barnaby back from something stupid, perhaps, or, in an even worse scenario, Fire Emblem joining Barnaby in accomplishing something stupid. The two were there, after all.

But one thing was for sure: Whatever Antonio expected, it wasn’t Fire Emblem leaning against a brick wall staring up at the sky, not relaxed, but not tense, either. And it wasn’t Barnaby sitting on a curb, pleading with a dog’s back while tossing names into open air.

“Arthur? Like the king. No? What about… um…”

“Barnaby?” Antonio asked. “What are you doing? I was told you found out something new about Tiger.”

Barnaby stiffened, like he hadn’t noticed Antonio run up. But that was impossible, because this was Barnaby. And Antonio had never even stepped behind him. He wasn’t wearing his armor, but—

“I’m trying to decide on a name, but the dog hates all of them.”

And apparently they weren’t going to talk about it. Ok. “The dog?” Antonio asked, sitting down heavily next to Barnaby and peering at the animal. They still had to wait for everyone else, so he might as well pass the time humoring the kid, and… well. Kotetsu would give him an earful when he got back if his partner wasn’t ok.

“He led us here,” Barnaby said. “Didn’t need anything but Kotetsu’s sock. But he’s a stray, so he doesn’t have a collar, and Fire said he should have a name. Except he rejects all of them. Would you rather be nameless?” The last bit was shot at the dog, Barnaby’s eyes narrowing.

Antonio held up his hands, placating. “How do you know he’s rejecting them?”

Barnaby’s eyes narrowed further, but he just said, “Watch.” Turning fully to the dog, he asked, “How about Antonio?”

The dog sent them a glare over his shoulder, his eyebrows rising so high Antonio thought they might meld with his ears. “OK, I get the picture,” he sighed. That was one expressive dog. “How many have you tried?”

“I’ve lost count.”

Antonio had only been there for a few minutes when Lloyds and HeroTV drove up, the other heroes all skidding up right behind them. Karina didn’t even wait for Keith’s van to come to a complete halt before she opened the door and ran up to them. Ivan and Pao-lin hopped out and followed her as soon as they could, leaving Keith to fumble with his keys while his dog John hopped out, unheeded, and trotted right up to Kotetsu.

“Uuuuuh,” Kotetsu tried to get to his feet, but though he had somewhat adjusted to four legs, he apparently wasn’t ready to stand up quickly. His front ones buckled even as his hind legs collapsed, sending him back into a sitting position—perfect for John to lean in and sniff. “Absolutely not,” Kotetsu protested, scandalized. “Look John, I might look like a dog but I’m not actually and I am in no way prepared for—”

“Why do you smell like Wild Tiger?” John interrupted, tail wagging rapidly behind him as he got in Kotetsu’s face.

Kotetsu leaned back and to the side, pressing into—into nothing. He fell awkwardly on his side, the momentum making him roll over as well. “Why do you think?” he asked, annoyed, and tried once again to get his feet under himself.

John padded around so he was back in Kotetsu’s sightline, head tilting as he watched. “Do you need help?”

“No thank you,” Kotetsu huffed. He had one leg right, now for the second… “I need the practice.”

“So you are Wild Tiger!” John barked excitedly and ran a circle around him, making Kotetsu’s head spin as he tried to follow him.

“I—yes—can you please stand still?”

“Sure!” John came to a sudden halt, tail still wagging and ears perked. “Do you still have those treats you always give me?!”

“Do I—” Kotetsu looked at him in disbelief.

“Aw, our dogs are getting along, Barnaby-san!” Keith’s voice said behind them.

Kotetsu thumped his head on his paws. “Unbelievable,” he moaned.

“Charlie!” Antonio called.

No one responded.

“Charlie, come here boy!”

Was there another dog here…? Kotetsu sat up a bit and looked around. Nope, just him and John.

“I can’t believe this,” Bunny said. “Try it one more time, Antonio.”

Try what?

“Charlie!” Antonio patted his thighs, making eye contact with Kotetsu. “Come here, Charlie!”

Oh. He—Kotetsu was Charlie. Charlie was another name they were trying. Well, too bad. He was only going to respond to Kotetsu and Wild Tiger, until they finally understood that he was Kotetsu. It wouldn’t work if he responded to any random name they threw out—

John licked his muzzle. “Do you want to play, Wild Tiger?!”

“I’m coming!” Kotetsu called, moving as hastily as he could and still manage to stand up. “I’m not Charlie, but I’m coming!”

Antonio stared as Barnaby’s dog trotted toward him—a little wobbly, but clearly eager to to respond.

“Charlie, huh?” he asked him.

Charlie barked.

“Well now that that’s settled—” Barnaby started, only to be interrupted by Nathan.

“Hold on!” they cried. “You can’t just name him Charlie!”

Barnaby’s head rotated slowly to stare Nathan down. “You’re the one who wanted to give him a name, Fire.”

“Yes, but he deserves something more heroic!” Nathan waved their arms in the air, then pointed down at Charlie. “He’s the one who found Tiger’s band!” Charlie barked.

“Wait, this dog did that?” Karina asked, attention pulled away from an argument with Lloyds and Agnes on what to do next. Antonio had heard them talking about testing the blood on the call band and searching the streets around it.

Karina crouched next to Charlie and held out a hand. “Here boy,” she cooed. “Thank you for giving us our lead.”

Charlie butted his head against her hand, coaxing an ear scratch from her.

“He looks like a Maximillian,” Karina decided.

“Perfect!” Nathan clapped their hands together. Barnaby gagged, and Antonio barely held back doing the same. But Charlie barked.

Antonio shook his head. “No, hold on. He’s already Charlie—” Charlie turned his head toward him “—he can’t be Maximillian, too.”

“But Maximillian—” Charlie turned his head back “—is such a handsome name,” Karina said.

“Can we please get back to looking for Tiger?” Agnes interrupted, hands on her hips and staring at them.

Charlie barked and trotted up to her, nudging her hand.

They all looked at him.

“Charlie?”

“Maximillian?”

“Tiger?”

Antonio, Karina, and Nathan all asked at once. Charlie / Maximillian / Tiger looked between them, legs crossing and collapsing into a seated position when he tried to move.

Antonio frowned. That was odd. He’d clearly been against any name before, for him to suddenly respond to three different ones—let alone the name of their missing hero—was weird. He would have to think on it—

“Charlie,” Barnaby said firmly. He rested a hand on his dog’s head. “His name is Charlie, and that’s final.”

Kotetsu stared up at Bunny. His partner was kidding, right? Sure, he’d responded to Charlie because that was Antonio was calling him, and then to Maximillian because he couldn’t just leave Karina and Nathan hanging, but he’d responded to Tiger with zero prompting! They had to see it, right?

“You see it, don’t you, Bunny?” he barked. “Antonio? I’m Tiger!”

Bunny gave his head a half-hearted pat, but no one looked at him. His fellow heroes, Agnes, Lloyds, and a few police officers were all in a circle now, talking about what to do next to find Wild Tiger.

But “I’m right here!” he barked, pressing his cold nose into Bunny’s hand.

Bunny jolted, then gave him another pat. “Can someone look after Charlie? I don’t know when the last time he ate was; he’s probably hungry.”

Kotetsu opened his mouth to protest—how could he be hungry at a time like this?!—only for his stomach to perform the ultimate betrayal: It growled. Loudly.

Agnes put her hands on her hips. “If it means you all get back to work, I will gladly take Charlie to work with me.”

Before Kotetsu knew it, he was being shuttled into HeroTV’s van and driven away.

Next Up: Kotetsu and Agnes. The two get to know each other.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

okay im gonna start w responding to ur bullet point list and then go from there. see where this post takes me lmao.

but basically, yeah, this does kinda make ed look bad!! i agree! i love ed, but he is not above criticism! he makes mistakes, too!!!

Ed, despite his long career and reputation, has appointed a first mate who knows shit about boats and sailing and regularly disrespects him, and kept him on for years.

yeah. lol. that's what i think has happened. i think izzy probably used to be more helpful with like, raids and stuff, even if he wasn't so great at boat stuff, and he helped make sure nobody mutinied against ed. but bc blackbeard is such a famous figure, both of those things basically happen by themselves these days. but there's some kind of fondness there, even if it isn't true friendship and intimacy, and ed's not gonna throw that away just to have to go through the trouble of finding a new first mate. like, god, can you imagine that hiring process? that sounds like a fucking nightmare

As a captain, Ed fails to compensate for his first mate’s weakness to allow him to do his job, unable to communicate basic ideas like “fog’s coming later”.

again, u are correct! i still kinda hold my original take from when i first watched this episode, that ed is being dumb by not sharing. but i've talked a lot in the notes of this post abt why ed doesn't think he needs to share, he thinks he's come up with a plan and there's not really anything izzy needs to do. he could come out and just tell izzy his plan, but he doesn't see the need. which, again, is stupid.

Ed continues to allow Izzy to make decisions like what to do with the crew on his own, despite Izzy being unqualified. He even plans on leaving his entire crew in Izzy’s hands after faking his own death. (Heh, Hands’s hands).

first off: lmao. hands's hands. nice.

ANYWAY! i am saying this again: i don't think izzy rlly needs to do much to keep the crew running without ed. and yeah, ed says he's gonna leave izzy in charge after his retirement, but 1. ed's gonna need some help to fake his death, and izzy was about to leave, so ed has to make it worth izzy's while, 2. who the fuck else is he gonna leave the crew with? ed doesnt really have any friends, and also if ed dies, i'm pretty sure power just passes right down to the first mate anyway? forgive me if im wrong on that i dont know a lot about how ships work, but my point here is just that ed isn't rlly like, going out of his way to give izzy his crew. he just wants to retire, and izzy would obviously take the reins from there. and then 3. once ed's gone, i cannot imagine he gives literally a single shit about whether or not his crew stays together. this is not so much trusting izzy with his crew as it is dumping it on izzy and being like, "yeah, this can be your problem, now"

His other two named crew, Ivan and Fang, also don’t know shit about boats, because they also failed to read the sausage clouds. And by implication, we can guess that NONE of Ed’s entire crew know shit about boats, because if Izzy doesn’t, he must not have been spoiled for choice.

ok, so i think there was a slight misunderstanding: im not saying that izzy should've been able to read the sausage clouds. im not saying anyone on either crew other than ed should've known what they meant! im saying that weather is important to pirates, which this episode establishes as true even in the muppet-logic reality of the show. yeah the characters can ferry around the fucking ocean and a dinghy like it's a little taxi, but the shape of the clouds means something. and if your goddamn pirate captain who terrorizes the sea on wooden sailboats asks you a question about the clouds, he is talking about more than just funny shapes in the clouds

also, like, maybe ivan and fang don't know a lot about boats?? i hadn't thought abt them much (aside from just, hey, those guys seem cool), but maybe their job is more to provide muscle in raids than to sail the seas. that would make sense with why ed would bring them along, right? the Revenge already has a crew that is capable of (if not brilliant at) sailing the ship, so ed just brings over a handful of his men to keep this other crew fearfully in line. but again: i'm not saying every half-decent sailor should've known what the clouds meant. but ivan and fang weren't there when ed pointed the clouds out to izzy. maybe if they were, they would've been like "hey boss, why're you talking about the clouds? is something up?"

Ed’s plan wasn’t a display of genius, but one of basic sailor competence 101. The fact that everyone on the Revenge was impressed, including a supposedly experienced sailor like Buttons, is just proof of how incompetent everyone on the Revenge is.

ok so i had this episode open and i went and checked, and we don't actually see buttons be impressed?? which doesn't really mean much but i just wanted to point it out

anyway, i really do think this is supposed to be an impressive moment, tho. actually putting together the pieces of "this morning's sky" and the "brisk, westerly wind" and, again, the fucking frankfurter clouds to mean fog rolls in at night is very clearly meant to be an impressive moment on ed's part. that's some "most brilliant sailor i've ever met" shit right there.

so again, i'm not saying izzy should be the kind of sailor that can predict the weather by the shape of the clouds. i'm saying that izzy should be enough of a sailor to realize that there's more to say about clouds than just "tee hee, don't they look like sausages?" especially if his sailor pirate captain is the one pointing them out

Despite Ed’s plan being based on sailing 101 principles of sailing every adequate sailor should know, he still managed to fuck it up and nearly get them all killed.

again, not saying that the cloud stuff was sailing 101 basic shit. i'm saying that the existence of weather is lesson 1 of being at sea. i've literally never been on a boat for more than a few hours at a time, but even i've heard the phrase "red in the morning, sailor's warning. red at night, sailor's delight" (which like, idk if that was a saying back then, but 1. i'd bet it was and 2. i know this show takes place in 1717, but it's very much targeted towards modern audiences who have basic modern-day knowledge. the way characters talk about blackbeard is more in line with how we'd talk about him today, not how people would've talked about him back then. so the fact that I, a person who is Not A Sailor, have an understanding of the basic idea that 1717 Sailors Should Pay Attention To The Weather, means that izzy hands, blackbeard's first mate, should also at least have that much knowledge)

and also: yes, ed still manages to fuck it up. there's this post that talks some more about the science of why ed's plan doesn't work, but also? ed fucks it up!! because he doesn't communicate or collaborate, which ofmd shows to be a very important part of being a successful pirate and also just, a happy person. and the fact that ed doesn't communicate says a lot abt ed, and izzy, and their relationship, but im gonna get to that more later.

--

ok outta the bullet point list now, onto the rest.

izzy apologizing to ed! so, izzy apologizes because ed (and stede) did get them out of the situation in the end, so izzy's whole rant abt ed being a twat and an insane, unpleasant shell of a man was kind of out of line in retrospect. and i actually kind of understand why izzy said all that, bc izzy doesn't start that conversation by viciously insulting ed, he only gets that riled up as ed continues to laugh and brush izzy aside. and i also get why he would feel like a dick once they're out of danger because ed (and stede) save the day. but like, i still think my original point stands, bc for the rest of the show izzy continues to insult ed for his choices the less ed acts like gritty, hypermasculine ideal of blackbeard

but like, izzy having doubts is reasonable. izzy being annoyed at being brushed off is reasonable. i'm not saying izzy should just blindly trust ed!! i'm saying izzy, a Pirate, should have picked up that the cloud conversation meant something and asked ed about it. and sure, izzy’s “when we’ve once again barely eked by to fight another day-” line is shown to be true, but his line right before that is "so i'm gonna devise a plan," which he, uh. doesn't do.

i'm not trying to put the blame on this entirely on izzy, because like, ed could've (and probably should've) just came right out and told izzy his plan. like, the "why would ed bother with being direct with his plan if izzy doesn’t respect him" line was meant more from ed's perspective, not mine, lmao. there plenty of reasons why ed should communicate clearly (it would increase everyone's chances of Not Dying, for one). my point with this post was that i'd had an a-ha moment with the frankfurter dialogue and realized that even in the silly muppet world of ofmd, they establish this episode that the shape of the clouds matters for sailors, so izzy should've known something was up. not saying he should've read ed's mind, or that should've also known what the shape of the clouds meant. i'm just saying that i understand more why ed was, like. a dick to izzy during this episode.

and that's what i think the writers want us to think about in this episode. not the clouds, not the logic of boat sailing, not even ed or izzy's skills. i think the writers are trying to show us how much izzy and ed don't work well together, at least not anymore. ed won't stop with the dramatics enough to communicate clearly, and izzy doesn't respect ed enough to think ed isn't taking things seriously if he's not also behaving seriously (yeah i'm still sticking with that point, lmao). ed and izzy's relationship is meant to stand opposite to ed and stede's relationship, where they instinctively flow together much better—but still don't communicate effectively, which is why the season ends the way it does. ed's got stuff to work on! and so does izzy! and stede, even though i'm not rlly talking abt him in this post, lmao. ed is going to learn how to communicate more openly, because he's the love interest and he's needed for the show's happy ending (but also he has less work to do on that front than stede does, jfc). but if izzy's gonna get his redemption arc, he's gonna have to learn to accept ed when he's Not Being A Pirate (and a man) The Right Way

i am once again thinking abt the frankfurters scene at the beginning of episode 4

my original thought after watching that whole episode was that ed keeping his plan a secret for the purpose of a dramatic reveal was stupid of him. if he’d talked abt his plan with izzy (talk it through as a crew), they could’ve pointed out the flaw and they would’ve had time to come up with a plan b

then i saw posts that talked abt how ed was trying to tell izzy his plan, but izzy just thought ed was goofing off, bc izzy is bad at reading ed’s language (and also just. people in general). and i was like “yeah, fair point, but ed still could’ve just. came right out and say it. why’d he have to play coy”

but the more i think about it tho?? the more i think about it

they’re fucking pirates. they’re sailors. they navigate the sea by boat.

if your pirate captain asks you about the clouds one morning, you should fucking realize he’s talking about more than just the fucking clouds

sailors had to know how to read the sky and predict the weather if they wanted to have even a chance at surviving at sea. izzy even says himself that he thought blackbeard was the most brilliant sailor he’s ever met. when i think about it this way, it’s actually baffling that ed started pointing out the clouds and izzy literally had no idea what ed was talking about. he thought ed was just fucking around!! which is kind of fucking insulting, when you think about it!!!

like, this tells me two things:

izzy is not a good sailor. izzy doesn’t know shit about boats. izzy’s singular talent is sword fighting. ed does all the navigating, the crew does all the boat stuff, and izzy just sort of sits there and glowers. maybe waves his sword around if someone’s slacking off. he’s good in a fight, in a raid. if they’re not raiding, izzy’s not good for anything (which oughff puts his reaction to ed saying “why are we even being pirates?” into perspective. if they’re not being pirates, then izzy is no longer needed)

unless ed is being like, brooding and straightforward, izzy doesn’t fucking respect ed enough to think ed might take things seriously. because ed was like, giggling over stede’s trinkets and talking about the clouds, izzy did not seem to consider that ed might’ve come up with something. if he’s really been such a loyal right hand man for so many years, if he really respected ed as the most brilliant sailor he’s ever met, that cloud conversation should’ve been a dead giveaway that ed knew what he was doing

and like, ed’s frustrated “it’s like pulling teeth with you sometimes, man” line makes it sound like this is normal? that izzy often brushes ed of when he talks abt things this way. and if i were ed, it would’ve been so fucking annoying to see my first mate ignore what should be some very obvious hints because he thinks im just fucking around. why would ed bother with being direct with his plan if izzy doesn’t respect him enough (and also isn’t a good enough sailor) to realize the cloud conversation isn’t just about clouds.

[deijnar]

Happy birthday!!

Oh my dear god @reavenagreste I had no idea it was your birthday! This was supposed to be your christmas gift but since it is a big day today I will send it now! I hope you enjoy it! Love you <3

fanfiction.net AO3

“Hngh… That damn sun!“ Ladybug mumbles to herself and blinks at the sky, shielding her eyes with the hand that isn’t holding her yo-yo. “You don’t like summer?” Chat asks surprised while sprinting over the rooftops of Paris next to her. Even if he doesn’t understand her reasoning all the time he always loves to learn something new about His Lady. “Summer is perfectly fine, I just hold a lifelong hostility against sunlight” she explained while chasing towards the Arc de Triomphe where Hawk Moth’s latest victim recently terrorizes the citizens. “Why is that?” Chat inquires amused about her hateful grimace dedicated to a burning ball of gas millions of miles away. In his eyes anger is the cutest state of her due to it being unreasonable and impulsive most of the time. What he likes most about this is the fact that her temper-driven moments always are her most genuine ones since she forgets to keep up her heroic “I’m above such things”-attitude. “More sunshine means more freckles” she responses short-spoken. Abruptly Chat comes to a stop, unbelievingly staring at her. He can’t believe it, she can’t be serious. Shortly after Ladybug pauses too and turns around to face him. “What?” “Your freckles are adorable. All of them. Even those that aren’t there yet” he explains bloody severe. Crossing her arms Ladybug rolls her eyes at him. “You don’t even see most of my freckles because of the mask.” Chat, who already had walked up to her, leans forward to place his face right in front of hers. While concentrating to keep a steady breathing to calm down his rapidly beating heart he looks straight into her lovely blue eyes. “The part I can see is already more than enough. These freckles right there for example” he pokes her cheek which sends a pleasant jolt through his entire body “are absolutely loveable. They look like a cute little paw. But if you think it is not up to me to judge, you know” he puts on a flirty smirk and wiggles with his eyebrows to cool down his overwhelming feelings “you can show me your face without the mask anytime.” She brushes his head aside with an annoyed groan but can’t help the little smile appearing on her lips. “Let’s go stupid kitty, there’s an akuma to catch.”

“Ok class, listen! I want all of you to find a partner to perform the next challenge with. All I want you to do is sitting vis-à-vis, looking into each other’s eyes. You don’t talk, you don’t gesture, just silently observe your partner. And…” Madame Bustier’s tone and smile reveal that she gloats over the next part “I want you to do it with someone you’re not too close with. Not with your best friend or the person sitting next to you.” Chloé and Alya leap up at the same second. “If you won’t carry this off I will end you” Alya hisses into Marinette’s ear as she hurries to Chloé’s desk. Confused Marinette watches her separating her target from Nino and… Adrien. “But I intended to…” Chloé tries to protest but Alya cuts her short with a raised hand. “I know this is an… unusual and maybe risky choice but I guess that’s what this exercise is about, isn’t it?” Madame Bustier smiles proudly at her and pats her on the back. “Exactly, Alya! The others could take a leaf out of your book!” Bemoaning her fate Chloé pouts while Alya grabs her wrist and drags her towards two empty seats. Petrified with horror Marinette realizes that Alya sacrificed herself to give her best friend the chance to have this special and private experience with Adrien. And since this may cause the worst few minutes in Alya’s whole life Marinette is compelled to take action. While Nino walks up to a sheepishly waving Rose Marinette gathers up all her courage to lean forward to tip said Adrien on the shoulder. He turns around to her with a bright smile on his face, causing her whole body to tickle. “Shall we?” he offers her his hand, yet again being the gentleman she once fell in love with. Huh, this has been easier than she thought. “S-sure!” is all Marinette manages to shriek, unsuccessfully trying to fight back the blush on her face. Relieved that at least she was not supposed to talk she stands up on her shaky legs, hurrying to the place Nino left seconds ago. “You know what? Let’s do this outside. It’s a beautiful summer’s day! That way each pair can have its own, more private space. But I want you to stay quiet from now on already!” Madame Bustier proposes and nearly the whole class stands up immediately, except Marinette, who still tries to get her legs to do what she demands. When she finally gets up again, more or less steady, the rest of the class already passes her desk. While Chloé glares at her partner’s back of the head Alya winks at Marinette but she barely recognizes it since she’s fully captured by Adrien who silently suggests that she should go ahead by bowing slightly and pointing at the door with his flat hand. Oppressing a giggle she curtsies and walks past him. Maybe, just maybe, this is going to be fun.

  At first Marinette awkwardly tries to avoid Adrien’s gaze but after some time full of enchanting, encouraging smiles of her counterpart she accomplishes to look straight into his eyes. Beautiful, deep green eyes flowing over with emotions and secrets no one knows about, things she urges to find out. She’s amazed by how intense just looking into his eyes is. Hopefully it wasn’t too easy for him to recognize her feelings towards him she tries to hide back all the time. They were two minutes into the exercise as Adrien’s eyes widen in sheer shock and disbelief as he draws back a little. Frozen he stays like this for an unpleasant amount of time. Eased by the fact that at least their classmates are sitting too far away to realize the change in his attitude, Marinette helplessly looks around trying to figure out what to do. Should she say something or keep quiet? She considers running away but it doesn���t seem to be the best choice. “Adrien?” she whispers under her breath instead, carefully looking out for Madame Bustier who gladly is preoccupied by the pair of Alix and Ivan who burst out laughing a few seconds ago. “You are… Marinette you… It’s you. Mari you are… You are…” Marinette never saw Adrien that bewildered and distraught ever before. “Adrien you’re scaring me, what’s the matter?” she asks desperately, trying to think of anything she did that could cause him such terror but except for looking at him she literally hadn’t done anything. “Ladybug” he finally blurts out. Now Marinette’s eyes widen in shock too. “What?” she laughs nervously. “Where?” He simply points his finger at her. “Whaaat?” she repeats way too high pitched. “What makes you think something as absurd as that?” His already near finger comes even closer, poking her cheek. “I recognize your freckles.” “What?” Horribly failing at trying to laugh it off Marinette tries to think of anything she can say. “But there’s only one person… I-I mean how would you…” Wait. “You’re Chat Noir?!” Marinette squeaks startled, hardly trying to not freak out. They spend the rest of the task gaping at each other.

“We’re done, kids! Now I want you to proceed what you might have learned about the other. If there’s no more than the eye color you realized that’s fine too. But at best you saw something deep, something you would never have figured out any other way.” Suddenly a radiant beam appears on Adrien’s face and the corners of Marinette’s lips rise to a bright smile too. At the exact same moment she throws herself towards him he opens his arms to catch her into the most enjoyable hug both of them have ever experienced. She snuggles into his embrace with tears of joy streaming down her cheeks as he subconsciously runs his fingers through her hair, overwhelmed by the knowledge that, finally, His Lady lay in his arms. “See?” Madame Bustier gestures to the cuddled up partners. “This practice truly tightens your bonds!”

[livvyofthelake]

post episode 3 thoughts on the wilds boys. first of all the girlies ARE superior in every way and their scenes are truly getting me through these bland ass men. anyway here we go. raf is still my baby sorryyy idc that he’s cringe and fail idc that he’s apparently going to do something bad. he’s allowed because he’s my little baby. henry is still just okay, he’s not really giving anything. maybe i will change my stance in henry when i see his backstory idk. the florida boys are alright i guess. bo is boring but still somewhat compelling as a character, and scotty is also kinda boring but the end of the episode when he decides they’re all gonna go kill that jaguar. ok go off scotty… kirin is not giving great vibes, but he’s not giving anything we haven’t seen on tv a million times before. he’s a jock he has an std he’s stupid he has a weird little rivalry with a gay kid, literally imagine if reggie mantle wasn’t a riverdale character. or fun. anyway. josh. yeah he’s still just the bitch from the magicians who assassinated his brother so he could marry margo in the life in the day. and he’s also annoying. so. fuck josh lol. ivan seems like he could be a fun character but he’s giving literally nothing at the moment. and seth. strange vibe from seth. i’ve been saying this and i know it’s annoying that i can’t actually articulate what i mean by that it’s just. a very strange vibe from him. it’s mildly unsettling. i really need him to just go evil soon so i can stop feeling like i’m hanging off a cliff whenever he talks. like just be gay and evil like my old pal rafe cameron can you just be extreme here the strange vibes are killing me man. again maybe it’s literally just that he’s harry from the society and the fact i heard he wasn’t as nice as he initially seemed but whenever he says or does anything i feel like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and it’s awful

[moonchris6]

The American Family

This story is fictional. It contains sexual situations between members of the same sex, opposite sex, and within the same family. Love, moonchris. The American Family Chapter 1: Baseball Mitch threw his baseball glove hard into the back seat as he climbed into the car. “I hate baseball!” he said, trying to hold back tears. “Honey, you’re 9 years old. You can’t expect to play baseball and never make a mistake.” said Shawna, his mom, as she pulled out of the ball field parking lot. She had signed him up last month at his own insistence. He was so excited to be playing ball with all the other kids, but his struggles, and the way he reacted to them, were starting to worry her more and more. “Mom! I struck out twice, and when the ball was hit to me it went by me every time. I play in right field. I’m the WORST kid on the whole stupid team!” She caressed the back of his neck. “Baby, there was that one time that you hit the ball. You’re getting better, you really are!” “Yeah, right to the pitcher. I’m an easy out every time” “You know what? I’m going to send you to be with your uncle Ivan. He played minor league baseball for 3 years. He’ll get you hitting the ball and catching it too.” Shawna said this before really giving it too much thought. Her brother Ivan’s lifestyle was mysterious to her and it caused her great worry thinking of her son there. He always talked about nudism as a teenager. She never knew if he was serious about it. Then he met his wife, Alanna, and she thought he’d settle down some. Only then they were always going to these weekend retreats all over Minnesota, Illinois and other areas in the midwest. Even after having the twins, Becca and Melanie, they don’t seem to have settled down much. Twins whom, by the way, don’t really look much like Ivan. Not to mention that twins didn’t run in their family. Were they nudists? Were they… more than nudists? Like an open marriage?

“I can really go live with uncle Ivan and aunt Alanna?” Mitch said, his mood suddenly brightening. “For how long?” “Let me talk to you father. Maybe a couple weeks. That will let your sister off the hook from watching you.” Mitch was sick of his sister, Erin, watching him. She didn’t really “watch” him. At 13, she was always on the phone, watching tv, using her iPad, just about anything but watching him. He usually told her he was going to a friend’s house, she’d nod, and then he’d leave for the day. They arrived home, Shawna happy that her little boy had cheered up on the short drive from the ball park. “Run upstairs and get ready for dinner. Go shower, you’re all dusty.” she said. Mitch grabbed his glove and bat and headed upstairs. His baseball failures forgotten, he was thinking about the idea of living with uncle Ivan and aunt Alanna. He once spent the weekend there over the winter, and walked in on them having sex. Fucking it was called. They were doing it in the den, and Ivan heard him walk in and turned his head and their eyes met. Uncle Ivan just smiled and went back to fucking Aunt Alanna, who didn’t even know he’d walked in on them. Mitch remembered Ivan’s strong muscular ass cheeks and the balls and the bottom part of his dick shaft as it drilled into his aunt. His own dick had started to get hard, which had only happened a couple times before that, but ever since then, it’s been happening every day. Mitch was still thinking about his Uncle and Aunt fucking when he got to the bathroom door, which was just a couple inches ajar. That’s odd, he thought. It’s usually either opened or closed. He paused before entering, and heard his sister Erin on the phone. He cracked open the door and could see her bare legs as she sat on the toilet. “... I know, Sherri!” (Ah, she was talking to her friend with the bigger boobs, whose nipples were always sticking out of her shirt). “No, I’m telling you, he saw me do it! We were laying in the perfect spot on the beach. He was on his stomach down closer to the water, and you and I were on our back further up. I looked down and saw him looking at us. So I pulled aside my bikini bottoms to show him my pussy, and I’m telling you, his head jerked up. He had on the sunglasses, but he definitely saw my pussy. He probably even saw the juices. I was so wet!” Who was she talking about? Who saw her? He quietly pushed the door open a couple more inches and saw thighs and bare ass on the toilet. He could just see her pussy, right below her flat tummy, not a hair on it (some of his friends already had hairs on their dicks -- so why doesn’t Erin? She’s 4 years older). She had two fingers rubbing up and down on her pussy, and her hips were slowly moving back and forth on the toilet seat. “Just thinking about it now Sherri, I’m playing with my pussy. It’s really wet again. I so want to lose my cherry. I would love for Todd to do it…” Todd! Could it be Todd Baker? He’s a senior in high school, linebacker on the football team! He’s 18 years old! Mitch’s dick had swelled watching his sister touch her pussy and listening to her talk about Todd. “I can’t believe how tight his body is and those muscles! I wonder how big his dick is?” Silence. “You did? Your dad’s? Oh my god, I love your dad, he is so sexy for an older guy! What did it look like?” Mitch pushed the door open a bit more, but this time it squeaked. He froze, but Erin heard it, and looked over. “Mitch! What the fuck!!” Mitch bolted back into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. His dick had gone soft as he thought of the trouble he would be in. He couldn’t get the image of his sister out of his head. Her tan skin, thin thighs, and red pussy lips. He wondered what her boobs looked like. They were small, way smaller than her friend Sherri’s. He started thinking about what her nipples must look like--- Bang! Bang! Fists on his door. “Mitch, open the door! NOW!”

He unlocked it and she came in and closed it behind her. “What the fuck were you doing? What did you see?” “I didn’t see hardly anything! I was supposed to take a shower, Mom told me to.” “Hardly nothing huh?” Erin stared at him for a few seconds and no words were spoken. Then a different look came over her face. “Mitch, what do you know about girls? Have you seen a pussy? Do you even know what a pussy is?” “Gross! I don’t care what it is, just get out of my room.” She sat on his bed next to him and seemed to be considering something. “Mitch, I know dad hasn’t given you The Talk yet. So I’m going to, and now is a good time.” Mitch was a little scared about what was happening now, but his thoughts kept going back to seeing Erin on the toilet, seeing her play with her pussy. He’d never seen a pussy that close before. “Listen,” Erin continued. “We’re going to have a talk about stuff. You can NEVER tell mom or dad, or they’d kill us both! I will show you a few things, but you can’t touch me.” With that, she stood up and motioned for him to do the same. “Take off your shirt, little bro”. He paused, then realizing she was not mad or tricking him, he relaxed and took it off. “You have small nipples. Most guys do. Have you ever played with them?” He shook his head. “Let’s start with that. But just to be fair, I’m going to take off my shirt and bra. Remember, you cannot touch me, but I will probably touch you to teach you.” She slowly unbuttoned her shirt, staring at his eyes, which were staring at her chest. His dick was rock hard in his baseball pants again. Her shirt came off and the tiny training bra was all that covered her little boobs. She grabbed the bottom of it and pulled it over her head. And there they were. Mitch’s first look at real tits up close. They were small, cone shaped with nipples that covered most of the boob. They reminded him of mountains that you see in paintings with the snow that covers about half way down. Only these were much much smaller! She continued. “Now Mitch, nipples on a girl are usually very sensitive. Sometimes they are for a guy too. Let’s find out for you.” She stepped close to him and with her fingers gently rubbed over and around his nipples. Shots of electricity went from his nipples to his little dick, down to his feet and back up again. His knees got weak. She laughed. “I see they are sensitive for you too! That’s great!” She bent down and flicked her tongue on his nipples, causing a sensation in Mitch unlike any he ever thought possible. He felt butterflies in his stomach and a swirling in his dick, like he had to pee, only he knew he didn’t. Without thinking, he reached up and squeezed one of her nipples with his thumb and 2 fingers.

“Mitch! I said you cannot touch me!” He put his hands down, and she went back to swirling his nipples with her tongue. Looking down, she said, “I see from your dick that you are really enjoying this. Do you have any questions?” “Why does it feel so good? What is happening to my dick? It feels really funny and kinda hurts, but feels good at the same time!” “Everybody loves being touched,” she said. “Your body is enjoying the attention I’m giving it. Let’s continue with our education session.” Her formality made Mitch smile. He also smelled something strange in the air, but couldn’t place it. She knelt down before him and started to undo his baseball pants. Startled, he stepped back. “You’re going to see my thi-- I mean, my dick. I can’t let you see that!” “Okay,” she said and got up. “I’ll see you at dinner then.” “No wait, I guess it’s ok. Please don’t stop. I’m just a little scared.” he said. She walked over to him and put her hands on his shoulders. “Listen Mitch,” she said, all serious. “I know we fight a lot. All brothers and sisters do. But when push comes to shove, I really do love you. I’ll protect you when anybody picks on you, and I’ll take care of you if you need me to. You’re my baby brother. I’ve always thought you were adorable, since you were a little baby. I used to play with your little wee wee. That’s what we called it. Once when you were 3, and mom wasn’t looking, I licked it. Anyway, that’s another story. The point is, I’m not going to hurt you. Try to not be scared. Everybody goes through this when they first learn stuff.” “How do you know so much about all this?” he asked. “The internet! Dork. Me and Sherri have seen lots of stuff. Plus Unc---” she stopped herself. “Well, the internet is where I learned just about everything.” With that, she gave him a hug, and he felt her bare boobs against his upper chest. His dick was like steel now, and he felt dizzy. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went back down to her knees. Picking up where she left off, she slowly inched his tight baseball pants down, first one side, then the other, back and forth. They came down to his ankles finally, and he stood there with his underwear tightly covering his hard dick. She looked up into his eyes as she hooked her fingers under the waistband and slowly pulled down. When they were lowered, his little dick sprung back up and slapped against his belly. She sat back on her heels and just stared at it. He picked up a sense of awe on her part. Had she ever seen one? What happened between her and….. Uncle Ivan? He didn’t dare break the spell of the moment by asking any questions. “This here is your dick,” she said without touching him. “Or your cock. I like the word dick. Cock is gross and reminds me of roosters. That’s stupid. I don’t know many other names for it, but I guess there are a bunch. Below your dick are your balls.” Here she paused for a long moment. It was like she was willing up the courage to continue. “I’m going to touch you now,” she said, and simultaneously slid one hand into her own skirt while grasping his tiny dick with thumb and forefinger. She started rubbing her pussy, just like she did in the bathroom. “You’re small now, but don’t worry, you’ll grow bigger when you’re older.” Mitch barely heard this, the effect of her fingers on his dick were overwhelming. His eyes rolled back into the back of his head and he started to moan loudly. “Quiet!” she said. “You don’t want Mom walking in on us!” He somehow got his vocals under control but was still breathing unsteadily and hard. His voice emitted the occasional grunt, as though he were the quietest Santa Claus in the world “ho…. uh… ho…” “Erin.” he said shakily. “What…. about…. you?” Erin didn’t appear to hear him, her eyes so focused on his little 4 inch dick. “Erin?”

Finally her head snapped up. “Oh yes,” she said. “That’s right. Fair is fair.” She reluctantly let go of his cocklet and stood up. She unzipped her skirt in the back and quickly slid it down, more quickly than he wanted her to. She was there in her little girl panties. She looked at his eyes, smiled, and pulled them down just as quickly. Mitch’s jaw dropped open as he stared at her hairless slit. Her legs were together so it looked like an artist had simply drawn a little line on her body just above where her legs met her hips, and the line continued out of sight between her legs. Something inside him wanted to beg her to spread her legs so he could see more. But he just stared, dumbfounded at this new treasure before him. She broke his reverie. “Let’s get on the bed, Mitch. Here, I want us to sit cross legs, like indian style.” “We don’t call it that anymore.” She rolled her eyes as they got into position, knees an inch apart on either side of them, facing each other. “Now here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to try and give you an orgasm. I’ve, um, never done this before, not like this anyhow, but I don’t know if you’re old enough to have one.” “Orgasm?” “Yes, it’s when you cum. Your body tightens up and it’s the best feeling in the world. You’ll see.” “Do girls have them too?” he asked. “Oh yes, we definitely do! They’re the best thing ever!”

With that she grasped his dick with 2 fingers again, and started to stroke it up and down, pulling the skin up and almost over his cock head, which was difficult as it was very tight. The reaction was immediate. Mitch’s body stiffened and felt better than he ever had before. The electricity ran through him up and down his body. He wiggled his ass and pumped his hips, causing his entire body to shift slightly toward her, and their knees touched. She stopped briefly but then continued. “Oh god,” he panted, his eyes squeezing shut. “You’re allowed to swear with me,” she said. “It usually makes it even better.” “Oh. Okay. … Fu- Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” This was new, as he tried it on for size. “Ohhh, fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckity fuck!” She grinned. “I’m not sure you even know that word means,” but he was not listening anymore. Suddenly, both his hands reached forward and grabbed her legs just above the knee. She stopped stroking him, and he quickly lifted his hands, opened his eyes, and she stroked him some more. After a second, he put his hands back on her legs and this time she didn’t stop. He was entering another world, one in which his dick was in complete control, where his entire body revolved around his dick, and the feelings there, like the planets around the sun. It felt like a volcano must feel when the lava starts to make its way to the top. His fingers alternately squeezed and relaxed, eventually causing his hands to inch their way up Erin’s slim smooth thighs. He opened his eyes to look where they were and saw her rubbing her own pussy, almost violently. He thought, how can I be so wrapped in my feelings and ignore looking at her pussy!?? So he stared at it, again his fingers reflexively tightening like a kitten as it sucks the milk from the mother cat’s teat. Slowly inching closer and closer to those flaming red pussy lips. Meanwhile, his own body was starting to feel different somehow. Something was happening.

Erin said, “Mitch, watch your hands, remember you can’t tou-- Ohhhh fuuuuuck...” He didn’t know why she stopped speaking, but looking down he saw her grab his hand and pull it onto her wet leaking pussy, her own hand covering his and holding it tightly against her mound. This drove Mitch to the stratosphere, and seemed to have the same effect on her, as he watched her entire body tense up. Her grip on his dick tightened and he somehow knew he was passing a threshold never before experienced. A gutteral groan came from Erins body and his at the same time. She found two of his fingers and shoved them into her pussy while pressing down his hand onto her mound, almost to the point of causing him pain, if he weren’t so focused on his own feelings. This was the “orgasm” she mentioned, he knew it had to be. His entire body went stiff and started to shudder as his eyes squeezed tight. Together brother and sister shook as one as his hand caused jolts to her pussy, which caused her jerking hand to jolt on his cock and the cycle continued. After what seemed like a near death experience, they both exhaled loudly and collapsed forward, each forehead hitting it’s siblings shoulder. Panting heavily, they were silent. Each had a hand on the other’s genitals still, and each subtle movement they made caused the other to experience another jolt. Finally she looked at his eyes and said, “Just as I thought. No cum.”

“Cum?” he said? “Another time, baby bro. We’ll talk about that another time. Are you hungry? Cuz mom’s calling for us.” “Starving,” he said. “Fucking starving.”

Chapter 2 coming soon...